The Heavy Sad

What does that even mean?

What does that even mean? Well, try picturing this:

You wake up in the morning. Its a new day; a fresh start.

You wake up in the morning. Its a new day; a fresh start. But there is an unavoidable weight in your chest.

You get ready, trying to ignore the load. You try taking a deep breath but it only makes the load rise and land harder in your chest.

On your way to work, you smile at the people you pass but once seated at your desk the load causes you to slouch forward. It causes your eyebrows, eyelids and the ends of your lips to fall.

At lunch, your friend tells you a joke and you laugh.

At lunch, your friend tells you a joke and you laugh. But once the laughter dies out you feel the weight gradually returning.

You try taking a deep breath but it only makes the load rise and land harder in your chest.

In the evening, you go to a club. You smile, laugh and dance. You completely let go and ignore everything and everyone.

There is no weight, no heaviness.

There is no weight, no heaviness. You felt light, light as a feather.

But by the time you get home, the weight has doubled in size. You can barely stand up straight.

You try to ignore it like you did earlier but the pressure has become unbearable.

So you simply slide into your bed while tears slide off your cheek. Soon you fall asleep, at peace.

You wake up in the morning. Its a new day; a fresh start. But there is an unavoidable weight in your chest.

Your day repeats; exactly the same as yesterday.

At work, the weight is there.

At lunch, the weight is there.

At the club, the weight temporarily disappears.

But by the time you get home, the weight has doubled in size. You can barely stand up straight.

You try to ignore it like you did earlier but the pressure has become unbearable.

So you simply slide into your bed while tears slide off your cheek. Soon you fall asleep, at peace.

You wake up in the morning. Its a new day; a fresh start.

But what's the point if nothing changes.

But what's the point if the weight keeps getting heavier and harder to carry.

Yesterday, it was heavy.

Today, it will be unbearable.

Tomorrow, it'll be twice the weight.

And it will go on

And it will go on and on

And it will go on and on and on.

What's the point of enduring, when you know it won't get better.

Tonight, you'll take a pill and fall asleep,

Tonight, you'll take a pill and fall asleep, permanently at peace.

This is the Heavy Sad. It has no cause and no cure.