I write a variety of things. This is something I had that I hadn’t posted nor ever shared. This is also my first post, and I usually get inspired to write by things I listen to.
I don’t expect feedback, rather just a safe space to post my thoughts.
To give context - I had turned down someone whom was such a good friend and only realized later it was a mistake.
Of course this was a while ago, and I have someone I’m especially happy with now. But I want to have this out, sort of like an extension of emotional outpouring.
Get it off my chest, out of the way. Move on. Whatever you will.
Have this song playing while you read: “A lovers complaint - Richter”
Quick YT link: https://youtu.be/XHTX2SCJm50
I sit
Eyes open
Heart closed
Torn out
and in consistent strain
I stare in the distance
Looking at you
And then at her
Then back at you
And just you.
The rock dangles at the bottom of my gut
As my heart strings strain at its weight
Pulling
Breaking
And tearing
Feeling the strings slowly rip apart
One by one
As the rock sinks lower
And lower
Dragging me with it
As I drown
Lungs filled
Heavy
and thick
You look at her
And speak of her
With such adoration
Such love
Such warmth
Of which I can now
never
Ever
imagine of having
It hurts
I was selfish
I was lost
And I was greedy
I was scared
And terrified
I wasn't ready
And I ended it
before it started
I put out a fire
That never began
I ran away
Before I even gave it a chance
Out of fear
And showing such cowardice
Has only led me here
And I only realize now
What I wanted
And what I want to taste
Which
Were your lips
The feel of your embrace
As your arms envelope me
So comforting
So close
So tender
You caressed my soul
My heart throbs
Each heart beat
searing with a stab of regret
Twisting the dagger
That pierces through my soul
I wince from this suffocating pain
I now call my own
Clutching my chest
As my whole entirety
Writhes in agony
As I watch in the distance
Desperately reaching
For that future
that will ever cease to be
As it dissipates
Into nothing
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