Just you.

I write a variety of things. This is something I had that I hadn’t posted nor ever shared. This is also my first post, and I usually get inspired to write by things I listen to.

I don’t expect feedback, rather just a safe space to post my thoughts.

To give context - I had turned down someone whom was such a good friend and only realized later it was a mistake.

Of course this was a while ago, and I have someone I’m especially happy with now. But I want to have this out, sort of like an extension of emotional outpouring.

Get it off my chest, out of the way. Move on. Whatever you will.

Have this song playing while you read: “A lovers complaint - Richter”

Quick YT link: https://youtu.be/XHTX2SCJm50

I sit

Eyes open

Heart closed

Torn out

and in consistent strain

I stare in the distance

Looking at you

And then at her

Then back at you

And just you.

The rock dangles at the bottom of my gut

As my heart strings strain at its weight

Pulling

Breaking

And tearing

Feeling the strings slowly rip apart

One by one

As the rock sinks lower

And lower

Dragging me with it

As I drown

Lungs filled

Heavy

and thick

You look at her

And speak of her

With such adoration

Such love

Such warmth

Of which I can now

never

Ever

imagine of having

It hurts

I was selfish

I was lost

And I was greedy

I was scared

And terrified

I wasn't ready

And I ended it

before it started

I put out a fire

That never began

I ran away

Before I even gave it a chance

Out of fear

And showing such cowardice

Has only led me here

And I only realize now

What I wanted

And what I want to taste

Which

Were your lips

The feel of your embrace

As your arms envelope me

So comforting

So close

So tender

You caressed my soul

My heart throbs

Each heart beat

searing with a stab of regret

Twisting the dagger

That pierces through my soul

I wince from this suffocating pain

I now call my own

Clutching my chest

As my whole entirety

Writhes in agony

As I watch in the distance

Desperately reaching

For that future

that will ever cease to be

As it dissipates

Into nothing