I used to be a format lover with infatuation at the forefront. I was blinded by this need for physical contact with you, I followed your crude guidelines and feared taking a misstep.
You were blinded by my willingness to adhere to your laws, which in-turn enabled you to do whatever you pleased with no objection.
It was a silent pain on my part, with restrictions from friends and even family. I loved you, and you loved me too. At the beginning at least.
I tore down my own defenses and then silently built new ones at the end. You used me for my compassion and my body, as well as my dire need to keep everyone I care about safe.
Of course there's more to this, but I've exhausted my mind of you overtime. I'm not angry anymore, just wholeheartedly messed up from our time together.
You translate into my relationships even now, with second guessing and asking for permission to do the simplest things.
But, right now, 4 months into a relationship which exudes mutual healing and care broke apart the rules and washed them down with light touches and reassuring words silently uttered in the dark.
With an old twisted concept of love easing out of my mind and body I can now stick to my own laws and have them respected and tangle them together with the one who taught me the true meaning
of mutual love.