love letter #462
love letter #462 button poetry stories
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zokeeler
zokeeler Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
you used to take colored pencils to my rice paper heart fill my arteries with daydreams

love letter #462

you used to take colored pencils to my rice paper heart

fill my arteries with daydreams

I fell in love once and I knew only after you left

drunk and high sprawled out across the backseat of a lyft at 3am

I could see the towers in west oakland like land bound constellations

and my incapacitated mind lost track of time and I pretended you were the leather seat on which i laid my head

i miss you the way an astronaut misses the earth when they're on the cusp of saturn and

you lost my heart in your dirty laundry

but I still miss the first intertwine of our hands how you

ever so cautiously brushed your fingers against mine, always afraid I didn't want you

as if your glance didn't catch me like a hummingbird

I hate my memory for holding on so dearly you nearly killed me and

I still

fall asleep imagining I will wake up between filthy navy sheets pressed into your body as if the universe built you to hold me

I remember the way you looked at me the last time I saw you

hand half held up in hello, a simultaneous goodbye

you keep a locked door between yourself and the world and

I spent months pretending my lips could pick their way into that secret place behind your ribcage

trying to convince myself I meant more than the space between my thighs but

I lie

you used to take colored pencils to my indigo brain

fill my gray matter with blue skies

things I cannot ever erase

leave no fingerprints, leave no trace

do you know how planets are formed?

how meteors collide in space and take particles of each other

redefine matter

you let the orange door fall shut behind you and all that mattered grew legs and ran out with you

I still

miss you

the way anyone misses home when they've been gone for too long

I live in a room in my head filled with hoarded memories

I know

that even if you did not say it you loved me

that even if you did not know it you loved me

take colored pencils to my chapters gone by

fill them with roses and paint over goodbyes

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