by Zahidah Binte Adnan
I wanted to grow numb with everything that was breathing around me.
Fear of growing a permanent attachment towards what I know would never last.
Sometimes as I lay awake in bed, I wonder about how great it would’ve been if I was just an object.
I probably wouldn’t have to go through so much overwhelming roller coaster rides from getting hurt.
But then, who knows, probably being an object would’ve been more wounding.
Because eventually they’d throw you out when you’re of no use to them.
Maybe being a human is better after all.
Maybe having things like feelings are better after all.
At least when you get hurt, you can still choose to walk away rather than allowing yourself from being thrown away.
Then and there, I wish that I’ll never have to grow numb when people walk away.