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yenma
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Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
after a storm comes a rainbow

rant piece

I was told that they wanted me to stay strong

but thinking about it know, it's so hard to stay strong,

especially when I feel so alone,

I don't have anything to do to distract myself either and I was tempted to break promises I've made to them because of my depression and anxiety which has been getting worse as of late.

My head aches and I'm so tired all of the time,

and when I try to sleep my head wakes up and keeps me awake.

I'm not motivated at all to do anything,

and all I do is argue with people I don't really know lately,

my eating habits have gone to shit again and every time I look at myself I'm just filled with so much disappointment and I don't really know what to do because my Therapy isn't helping me at

all and I'm so pissed and sad and annoyed at everything.

I want to help myself but I cant find a way to at all,

I want to stay home, and I don't wanna go out because people fucking suck,

and I cant fucking talk to people because I'm shit at that and no one likes me because I'm

"too nervous"

or

"too awkward"

to be likable.

I fucking hate where I'm at with how I feel right now because I don't even want to stay awake anymore,

there's no point in waking up everyday.

I miss the one person that made me want to be awake and I have to keep waiting for them and I'm just so sick of waiting

my entire life is just me waiting for some kind of change or improvement in anything at all,

why do I expect to all of a sudden make new friends or meet new people,

no one likes me when I'm like this because I turn into such a shitbag

no one likes being around.

and I'm just losing people,

I only have one person atm irl. I feel like I'm losing her too and I just realized how fucking alone I am right now,

my family doesn't get along with me,

and I don't trust any of my brothers and I just want to disappear because right now that seems like the best fucking option.

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