I told him I loved him
or "liked" him, I guess.
Did I tell him in a way that was quirky?
maybe more awkward.
I told him this because he was upset,
I waited until he had fallen asleep to "make my move"
I texted him.
"I kind of want to explain to you why I like talking to you better,
and you seemed like you were in a pretty weird mood and I'm terrible at speaking my feelings so I'm going to write it out I guess,"
I wrote this 1 time
"but, you make me smile a lot more than anyone else does, and I smile a lot when I get to hear or see you,
so you make me genuinely so happy that I feel like my hearts going to explode from it; (I think that's good? Idk maybe I'm having mini strokes lmao)"
I was having a nervous breakdown,
I started crying.
"but I don't know, like, I also think you're very funny and I feel like I can be myself when I talk to you and that's really comforting,
and I really like it when you smile and laugh because seeing you in a good makes me 10 times happier, and I guess I'm gonna get to the last thing.
I like you a lot (which I've said before) but I'm going to explain it, I know I'm just a girl, I guess lmao but it means I might have a small "crush" on you I guess"
I guess, saying that meant me to be nervous, he later took that as to mean I lied to him.
" and eh, I hope that when you read this you don't think I'm really weird because it's giving me anxiety thinking about it lmao. Have a good night, sleep well.
(i know you'll probably see this when u wake up but whatever.) (and I wrote this out 3 different times yikes)"
the last words I had sent out
sent me into a spiral
I hadn't gotten any sleep
and when I had woken up,
I had been left on read.
and we called
and we got together
and we had fun
for a good 3-4 months
until I had fucked everything up.