Dear "just a dance", First off, I’m going to apologize for labeling you as someone I just had a dance with, but let’s be honest, that’s what you were for me that night.
At least that was what it all was originally intended to be, but you ended up being much more than that.
And this is why…
When my last relationship, the one before you, ended, I was in an ugly place.
I hated the world and everyone in it, but mostly I hated myself.
I can’t explain to you the way I felt, for it is something I had never experienced before
and most definitely something that I never want to experience again.
Today I know that you might even feel the same about your last relationship.
My last relationship left me feeling worthless and unworthy of even the simplest forms of love.
That’s not just because of the way that the relationship ended,
but because of the horribly unhealthy nature of the relationship in the first place.
Unless you have been in that situation before, you wouldn’t understand what I am talking about.
But deep down I know that you're probably feeling as worthless as I felt back then.
The kind of relationship that I was in before you was one of the rawest, beautiful and ugly relationships I could ever imagine.
This relationship was one that literally left me begging for more.
I experienced so many ups and downs over the past couple of years, but mostly downs. The rare moments where I felt anything that closely resembled love, meant everything to me.
Those good feelings kept me hanging on for longer than I ever should have. I was delusional.
I thought that the longer I stuck around, and the harder that I tried to prove my worth, the more I would experience those feelings of love. But all that did was make me look pathetic.
I thought I was doing the right thing by forgiving her every time that she left me or every time that she cheated on me.
She had this controlling power over me that somehow made me believe that I was the reason she did all these horrible things to me.
She actually made me believe that I was crazy and that I deserved everything she did to me.
All that did was make me look at myself as being the problem, and I believed I was the one who needed to change. So I did everything she wanted me to.
I was blinded, simple as that. She made me believe that I couldn’t live without her and that if I ever left, that I would never find someone else. And I honestly believed that for longer than you could possibly know.
Because of all these things that happened to me at the hands of a woman who I thought I loved
and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I was a broken person when the relationship came crashing down.
I don’t like to go deep into detail about the reasons why she is no longer a part of my life, and it’s not because I still wish I was with her or I still miss her. There were times I felt like giving up.
I think all of this might have contributed to my health which came crashing down at this point of my life.
I got a seldom form of a cancerous growth on one of my kidneys and I suffered from side effects and alot of pain.
It took them weeks after biopsy to figure out what it was and even longer for me to get proper treatment. I was so tired of living, people literally saw it in my face.
Thoughts about this being the end of my life were rushing through my head all the time, still feeling the pain she had caused me. Negative and destructive emotions side by side.
There were days I would wonder if this is the end and if I'm going to die.
Until I got up and did everything to become healthy again, which eventually worked after months of suffering.
But then there were these days where I would lay in bed and wonder how I could ever possibly find someone I would ever love as much as I loved her.
It’s mostly because I am ashamed of the person I was when I was with her. I was weak and I was a mess. She destroyed me.
And for months after the ex prior to you and I had ended it, I experienced feelings of guilt, sadness, anger and any other possible emotion I could feel.
That was until I met you. When I met you, let me be honest about that..
I was not in the position to allow myself to feel anything for any person. I didn’t want to, because I didn't want to get hurt.
And well, I was still holding onto the possibility that one day I would wake up and my ex and I would pick up where we left off.
No matter how destructive it was. Not any girl I met could change that. Well again, That was until I met you.
So when I met you, you were just someone I was interested in, which is why I started talking to you and dancing with you on that night.
But it quickly turned into so much more than that.
It didn’t just happen overnight, but it did indeed happen quickly!
And then you somehow turned my life around. I want to thank you for that.
It’s hard for me to explain just how you “fixed” me.
I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around the fact, myself.
It is something that I am constantly looking for an answer to.
But what you did, was magical. You left my mind wandering all the time.
I looked at my life in a different light when you were around.
I felt something real. Not necessarily between the two of us, but just in my life in general. It had been so long since there has been anything in my life I looked at positively.
That was something I really struggled with, until I met you. Maybe it has to do with the way you made me feel, or maybe it was just the fact you gave me attention. It was more than just a fling for me.
You are 100% opposite from my ex. The way you used talk to me, the way you used to treat me, everything is different. You were just perfect to me, I loved the way you were.
You proved to me that regardless of how devastated I was over my recent break up or my messed-up health and body, that I was the creator of my own life and that ultimately, that I have control over the choices that I make.
You showed me that my feelings are important, not only to just me. You showed me that I am NOT what others think of me, and I can’t let one person’s opinion of me, break me into pieces.
You showed me life again. I’m not sure how you did it, but you have to be the reason. I am sure that I did not come to this realization on my own.
People always say that rebounds never last, and maybe that is true. But maybe this wasn't just a rebound for both of us. Maybe there was another reason why it just didn't work out. Maybe I never appreciated you enough.
Maybe it was your mission to come into my life. Maybe it all had to happen that way, who knows.
I guess we'll have to wait and see. I don’t know what's going to happen in the future. There are times where we interact, and I can still feel this deep connection and chemistry.
You could possibly be the person I spend the rest of my life with, or you could walk out of my life tomorrow and never speak to me again, who knows.
And regardless of what happens, I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.
You would probably think there isn’t much that you have done, but like I said, you have helped me more than you know.
I will forever remember how you helped me through this difficult time.
And I want you to know that I never wanted you to get hurt or feel worthless. You brought me out of the dark. And for that, I thank you.
I wanted to tell you this. Thank you, for making me feel worthy again. Thank you for showing me that my life is not over.
You're such a beautiful, intelligent and absolutely awesome person.
You're not a bad person, you should never think like that again! You're like an angel to me.
You are fucking great, always remember the teddybear card I gave to you!
I wish you knew how incredible good you are as a person and how much I owe to you for making me the person I am!
I hope that someday you will realize that you don't have to go through this all alone, and that commitment can be something beautiful. Forgiving and forgetting is a choice. Living happy is too.
I promise to you, no matter what: That your wishes will come true. That you could easily reach for everything you ever wanted. I can promise my Dear; it will get better and you will be just fine!
No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter where life leads you to. You will be fine and you will be happy again.
Whatever this was between us, a rebound or something real, is something.. I will cherish you forever.
I know I'm not a lyrical Shakespearean. But at least I tried my best. Never forget how great you are and how happy you'll be!