I thought you won,
But I was mistaken.
Years of fighting by myself,
And you couldn't even try.
I spent so many nights thinking about your life,
Wondering when you'd leave me.
I counted day by day,
Watching the hours slip away,
As if every moment I lost more of you.
Winning is a hard thing,
That I can understand.
But I don't know why you didn't even try.
I trudged over every mountain all on my own,
Watching you from afar.
I tried to save you but you kept falling away,
Running down a path I could not follow.
I blamed myself at first.
Am I not strong enough?
But I'm wise enough to know that this isn't my fault.
Your life isn't mine.
I cannot change you.
I cannot fix you,
But I still need you.
Am I really not enough?
Are we really not enough for you?
Do my smiles fall flat?
I've lived my life for you all these years with nothing in return,
Receiving only screaming.
You broke me down to tears,
And still, I kept your lies and fought your fire.
You're destroying yourself,
And I can't put you back together anymore.
I tried and tried to fix you,
Tried to triumph over the pain.
But keeping you alive was no achievement,
And victory is so far away.
I wish I gave you enough reason to stay.
Despite how hard I tried and how much pain I felt alone,
You still leave me a little each day.
I am alone fighting for you,
And I will be alone when you are gone,
Triumph forever out of reach.