"You are never alone."
Everyone seems to keep telling me this over and over again.
I know they're right.
My family is loving,
My friends are understanding.
However, there is a part of me they do not know,
A part that is not loved.
The broken, the hurting, the sad person hidden behind sayings like:
"My day was good" and "I'm fine."
Life gets lonely when so much of you is stuck in your head.
When your true thoughts are only known to the ceiling,
And when the only person who knows you is you,
Loneliness becomes infinite.
I hid part of myself in order to be loved,
Because I'm afraid the real me is unlovable.
As a result, I'm always craving care.
The part that is never loved wants to be,
The part that receives nothing wants to be let free.
But how can I?
It's been locked away for so long.
I don't think they'll love me when they see all of me.
I knew when I chose this path it would be a lonely one,
But now more than ever do I wish I chose not to bear my mind alone.
I yearn for someone to know me,
To really know me,
To know me and still love me.
I don't want to be loved for being helpful.
I want to be loved as a human, a human with flaws.
I know it's not too late.
It's not too late to let my mind free.
But as every day passes, it's another day I kept a secret,
And betraying those I love will only make them take their love away.
The path I chose is lonely,
But I must protect those I love from me.
I feel so alone.
I want to be told that it's okay.
I want to be good enough without hiding my mind...
But I chose the life of the lonely.
Sorry that this is a downer. It's a bit of a vent, so I'm sorry if it's a bit unorganized. I just had to get my thoughts out. Thanks for reading!- Kitty