I'm going to leave you behind.
I thought you were gone at first,
Because you left me alone.
I was so content, so happy that I was able to forget you,
Grateful the future I had been hoping for was finally alive.
But, as you always do,
You came knocking on my door.
Your face was shining, your eyes glistening, and you convinced me to let you in.
I opened my mind to you,
Watching you destroy my belongings.
But I didn't see broken vases or toppled tables.
All I saw was that shining smile on your face.
You convinced me I could smile like that too, as long as I followed you.
So I did.
I let you take over my house,
Crashing and breaking everything you could find.
My brain became your playground,
Filled with poison and what I thought was tough love.
I convinced myself your mean words were the only way to survive,
That kindness wasn't an option anymore.
You convinced me that in order to shine, I had to feel the pain.
I had to earn a smile with tears.
As your bar raised higher and higher,
Your smile got brighter and brighter.
You fed off of my darkness until I realized that you weren't apart from me.
You were me.
You were all I was, all I had become.
So, I killed myself and started anew,
Leaving you outside on the doorstep once again.
I can shine on my own.
I will learn to smile in a safer way, without my own poison.
Cruelty will not make me succeed.