Not The Same
Not The Same wrist stories

writercat Life is beautiful, life is sad
Autoplay OFF   •   6 months ago
I love you. I love you, even though it seems you don't love me at times.

Not The Same

I love you.

I love you, even though it seems you don't love me at times.

You gave me everything,

So I tried to give you everything back.

I decided long ago to shut off and only survive for you.

Everything is for you.

I let a smile burn my face and kindness poison my voice in every waking moment.

Even though I could feel the blood from my fingertips trickling down,

Touching my wrists and reaching my forearms,

I ignored the stains.

I could do it all for you.

But as time passed,

I grew weaker and weaker.

It got harder and harder to set myself on fire,

And the poison in my throat reached my lungs.

I realized I was dying for you.

So, I tried to break free.

I believed deep down that you wouldn't want me to suffer, that you truly loved me,

And so I let go.

I let you in to see the real me. The tired, hurting, imperfect me.

And you hated me.

You grabbed me by the wrist and arm I stained for you,

Telling me,

"You've changed,"

As if I don't know I'm not the same.

Talking to you is like walking on eggshells,

And everything I say now is wrong.

Because the poison I erased was all you loved,

And now it's gone.

Still, even though you seem to hate the real me,

I can finally breathe.

I am free.

I am who I am,

And I do not need to please you.

Because you watched me change after all this time,

And your only thought wasn't "why?"

You wanted me to change back.

I wish I could sometimes.

I wish I could be the person you loved, but it isn't me.

I can't be that kind.

I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm sorry you hate that.

I'm sorry that you hate that everything I say isn't for you.

I'm sorry you hate that I tell you when you're wrong.

I'm sorry...

But I am alive.

I am finally alive.


I still love you.

Author's Note

Sorry for such a long poem! I hope you enjoyed it, even though it's rather bittersweet. I know it might sound similar to poems I've already written, I apologize for that.- Kitty

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