I love you.
I love you, even though it seems you don't love me at times.
You gave me everything,
So I tried to give you everything back.
I decided long ago to shut off and only survive for you.
Everything is for you.
I let a smile burn my face and kindness poison my voice in every waking moment.
Even though I could feel the blood from my fingertips trickling down,
Touching my wrists and reaching my forearms,
I ignored the stains.
I could do it all for you.
But as time passed,
I grew weaker and weaker.
It got harder and harder to set myself on fire,
And the poison in my throat reached my lungs.
I realized I was dying for you.
So, I tried to break free.
I believed deep down that you wouldn't want me to suffer, that you truly loved me,
And so I let go.
I let you in to see the real me. The tired, hurting, imperfect me.
And you hated me.
You grabbed me by the wrist and arm I stained for you,
As if I don't know I'm not the same.
Talking to you is like walking on eggshells,
And everything I say now is wrong.
Because the poison I erased was all you loved,
And now it's gone.
Still, even though you seem to hate the real me,
I can finally breathe.
I am free.
I am who I am,
And I do not need to please you.
Because you watched me change after all this time,
And your only thought wasn't "why?"
You wanted me to change back.
I wish I could sometimes.
I wish I could be the person you loved, but it isn't me.
I can't be that kind.
I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm sorry you hate that.
I'm sorry that you hate that everything I say isn't for you.
I'm sorry you hate that I tell you when you're wrong.
But I am alive.
I am finally alive.
I still love you.
Sorry for such a long poem! I hope you enjoyed it, even though it's rather bittersweet. I know it might sound similar to poems I've already written, I apologize for that.- Kitty