I was waiting for so long.
Sitting in a room of darkness,
Hoping someone else would turn on the light.
Tears streaming down my face, my shallow voice asking "why me?"
Days of darkness are hard to cope with,
As you realize that it's impossible to tell the difference between day and night.
I was waiting for so long,
Wishing for the sun to come up.
Hoping the stars would light my path,
Hoping the moon would show me my future.
The truth didn't seem to click in my head.
I couldn't seem to understand that there were only two options.
I'd either get better, or I'd get worse.
I cannot stay in between.
There is no balance.
I waited for so long, looking for a light while destroying myself.
Berating myself with harsh words and cruel criticism,
Treating my mind like garbage.
Finally, one day,
This is the only life I have.
This is the only body I have.
This is the only mind I have.
If I'm going to heal, I need to help myself.
I need to fight my evil thoughts with words of kindness.
I remind myself every day of my shortcomings,
But I cannot forget my achievements.
I am not a failure.
I have skills.
I deserve to live...
And so do you.
Please, know that healing is healthy,
And that you must heal yourself.
You don't have to wait for a light.
I know that it's difficult.
It's completely valid to struggle.
It's okay to break.
It's okay to hate yourself sometimes.
As long as you can find your own light again,
Healing is possible.