Now I feel like a ghost. Like a NPC of my own life.
I feel like I messed up so many times. Like I made the wrong choices.
I feel like everything I complain about is my own fault. Like I could have fixed it easily.
I feel like living is becoming too exhausting. Like I have lost all my faith.
I know some people have it worse than me. But so many also have it so much better.
It's been three years now that I am telling myself "it's gonna get better". And now I do not believe it anymore.
It's been four years now that I first talked to the one who ruined my life. And this is not the way you think.
It's been three years now that I first heard myself thinking "I want to die".