The days pass without much incident as we have been avoiding each other like the plague since then. A car bay was erected to store my car in, and I spend all my time there, or with Hanji. I usually stay well past him going to bed so I don't have to see him.
Listening to music, and hiding out. This is what I do now. Hanji is entertaining though, and her endless stream of questions doesn't bother me in the least. I wonder if they'd let me sleep down here? My car is not running, and I'll be damned if I leave without it, so what are these people worried about? I'm certainly not going
anywhere. Levi wakes up, and comes into the livingroom to check on me. 'not that I care if she's sleeping or maybe if the gods are kind, strangled herself with one of her fucking blankets'. He doesn't see me sleeping on the couch. Irritated, he goes out to find me. He can hear music
coming from my car bay and starts to head in that direction. "Levi!" Hanji rushes up to intercept him before he can enter. Looking past her, he watches me while I dance around my car, washing it and singing. Ignoring the pang in his chest, he turns to Hanji.
"Hanji, I've been hearing talk..." "Oh? And what talk would that be?" "Does she have feelings for me?"
"She does not like to talk about you. At. All. I honestly don't know. Although, I'm curious about the other end of this talk.." "What do you mean, Hanji." "Oh, if you've heard that much of the talk, you've heard this too."
"I do NOT have feelings for her, Hanji. She disgusts me." "Really? I'm sure that's exactly what was going through your mind when you left all those love marks all over her neck." She says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I told you, you only hate her because you like her more than you care to admit."
Taken aback, he protests. " That's not true! And I was angry." "You're angry with a lot of people for a myriad of reasons everyday. I don't see anyone else running around with HICKEYS all over their necks." Face reddening, he looks away again focusing on me.
"Levi, you came from the underground to the surface. Two different worlds, sure. But still YOUR world. She doesn't have that. She's lost, and she certainly doesn't want to be here. This is not her world. All you do is treat her like shit, and make her feel miserable. Of course she's defiant.
Everything she knows has been ripped from her, and you add insult to injury by trying to take her pride?" He ignores the comment, simply stating "I'm going to talk to her about this nonsense."
Hanji bars his way again. "No. What you're going to do is leave her alone. Sort YOURSELF out. Oh, and while you're at it, you might want to work on your bullshit skills. You two are absolutely crazy about each other, it's just both of you are too stupid to realize it."
He sighs, gives Hanji a glare, and heads back upstairs with one final glance in my direction. 'fuck. what a god damn mess. why did Erwin have to assign this woman to me in the first place. None of this probably would have happened otherwise', he tells himself albeit with a small sense of uncertainty. 'no. it DEFINITELY wouldn't of happened'.
Levi's journal: Finally some fucking silence. Maybe shitty glasses idea of building that stupid machine storage place wasn't such a shitty idea after all. Although, it's fucking annoying how that girl stomps around at night. Fucking always wakes me up. Like I can't get enough sleep as it is with this shitty insomnia.
What is she even doing all day in that ridiculously large building. I'm supposed to know, aren't I? I'll have to check it out one of these days. Hopefully bird nose isn't wasting all of the legions time and resources just to fuck around doing nothing. This better not be another fucking "experiment".
People have been talking. Normally I don't give two shits, but since her and I seem to be the popular topic, it's caught my attention. Why the hell would I ever have feelings for someone as annoying as her?
The scouting legion is no place to be fucking around, but these stupid ass recruits do it all the fucking time anyway. God. But I wonder if what they're saying about her is even remotely true. Music coming from the bay? Sounds like a fucking lie.
Feelings for me? Yeah right. The bitch can't stand me and I know it. I don't give a fuck. At least she's not like every other kiss ass that tries to get recruited to my squad. Fuck them.
Heather's Journal: I'm at my happiest when I'm in the bay with my car. I feel Hanji and I are making some good progress, and it won't be long before I'm able to get outside these damn walls. I'm spinning my wheels here, and I don't like it.
I further don't like the feeling that I'm contributing nothing. So I do all I can do and keep doing what I love, and take care of the final gift my father gave me. Oh daddy, would I be in this mess if you were still alive?
I guess the answer would be yes, but I know if he was still here he would be moving heaven and earth to get me out of this hell. Daddy I love and miss you so much and I promise to always look after your car. Always.
One Week Later: "I want to sleep down by my car." I turn from the window to look at Levi, hoping that he agrees. He looks up from his paperwork, shocked, surprised and a flash of panic on his face before he closes up before me, with his usual irritating neutral look on his face.
"Absolutely not." Heart thudding, Levi clutches his pen tightly hoping his anxiety isn't showing on his face. "Why Levi? I thought you wanted me gone." Going back to his paperwork, he mutters dismissively. "As much as it pains me to say it, you're staying with me."
"Cuz Erwin said so?" "Yes. Cuz Erwin said so." "I bet you only wipe your ass how Erwin specifically instructs you, too." I say, plopping down on the couch defeated. "Where could I possibly go? I'm not leaving without my car. Think. I'VE thought it through, believe me. I'm stuck here."
Sighing he gets up and sits down next to me, bringing his paperwork with him. I scoot away, keeping as much distance as possible. "You're safer here than if you were out there. I've told you this before. You would be locked up, with no access to your precious car whatsoever."
"I AM locked up...and I'm not asking to go out there, I'm asking to stay in the car bay." "No, and I'm not arguing about this with you." "But..." "Did you know Eren is a titan shifter?'
"He what??" I turn to face him, startled by the change in subject. "The military police held him for trial. If they had their way, he'd be dead. It was Erwin and I that kept him alive. I want you to think about that." With that, he settles back, and begins reading one of the numerous reports sitting in front of him.
'a titan shifter?...fits his attitude...' I giggle, and Levi glances over raising an eyebrow at me. I shake my head dismissively and he goes back to his report. 'maybe I'm better off here like he said after all...' Grabbing my book, I settle in to read. "Hey, can you go back to your desk maybe? I'd like to lie down."
"So lie down. Do you see the size of this report? I'm not sitting at my desk for this", he says not looking up. "Alright then." I drop my legs unceremoniously in his lap, and open my book. He glances over at me irritated, and I shrug. "If you didn't throw my ottoman away, I'd sit there instead."
"What ARE you reading anyway, Heather?" "A scary story." I peek over the top of my book, eyebrow raised. "Don't we have enough scary shit as it is? And you want to read about it on purpose?"
"Scariest thing I've encountered since getting here is your attitude in the morning." "You're so funny Heather, it's killing me." "Great! I'm going to joke you to death! No one will ever suspect foul play..."
"Tch, read your stupid book...and where did you even get that?" "Backseat of my car...probably have more in my trunk, I should look one of these days....here, try this...better than your stupid report." I toss another book on top of his report, and he picks it up, reading the cover.
"IT, by Stephan King...what's it about?" "Just read it...or would you rather try this one?" Eyebrow raised, I hold up the book i'm currently reading. He leans closer to read the cover.
"Insomnia...tch no thanks. I deal with that nightmare all the time as it is." Opening the book, he begins to read..... One hour later.... 'ugh, why does it have to be a clown?...god....' "LEVI!"..."LEVI!"
"Huh? what's the matter?" "Levi, what are you doing?" "Reading, isn't it obvious?" "Can you keep your hands on the book maybe?"
He looks down, and pulls his hand back as if burned. Throwing the book down, he shoves my legs away, stands up and takes his report over to his desk. 'I was distracted....I wasn't rubbing her stupid leg because I wanted to...damn woman and her stupid distractions.......
Levi Journal: I can't say I blame her, I want to get away from me too. But she can't, and it's not like I can tell her the real reason why...and it's such a selfish reason, really. I don't want her to go. She's a bitch, she's annoying, but I'm used to having her around. And then there's the other things that I simply don't want to address.
I'm still frustrated about what happened the other night, so focusing my thoughts on kiss related issues seems like it would only make what I'm feeling worse. I don't think that would be good for either of us right now. So I'm trying to get along with her, and it seems like a successful endeavor so far, but it brings me to my next problem.
We were on the couch reading and she had her damn pretty legs in my lap. This book she gave me to read is really good (clowns though, seriously childhood nightmare fuel right there) and I don't know when it started I was so wrapped up in the story, but next thing I know she's basically telling me to get my hands off of her.
My hand was halfway up her thigh! Fuck, how embarrassing! And it wasn't just resting there, no of COURSE not. I was practically mapping out my (potential?) territory. I had to get away from her then, I just had to.
Dumb bitch shouldn't be putting her shit in my space anyway, right? Is she seriously asking for it? I'm getting pissed again.
Heathers Journal: If he hadn't thrown the ottoman out, I would've been safe from his wandering hands last night. Seriously, what's gotten into him, we were just on the couch reading, no big deal right? Nope, apparently a big deal because it seems like I can't be in his vicinity without him wanting to grope me, GOD!
I guess I shouldn't have put my legs in his lap, but he was in my way and I'm so stupidly stubborn. Is it me? My fault? I feel sick to my stomach. I even tried to convince him to let me sleep down by my car. He won't let me! Erwin says...blah blah blah. Yeah, right.
I bet if I went to Erwin and asked the same thing and gave him my reasoning he would see the logic in my request and tell me it would be fine as long as I didn't go outside of the barracks without Levi (of course). But Levi? Nope. You're staying right here Heather.
You would THINK he would be all for finding a way to get me out of his hair, right? Wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be angry and all offended and righteous about it, but the fact is I think the real reason I'm bothered by all this sudden attention is that, help me please; I actually don't mind him touching me that much....
Things would be better between us if we weren't forced into this stupid situation. I know it, he knows it. He tells me he wants me gone all the time. So why won't he let me go???? I wonder.... This is getting rather lengthy and I don't want to follow my reasoning any farther for fear of where it might go. I'm going
to bed, and hopefully I can avoid him as much as possible tomorrow.