180 Hours, Part Twelve: The Problem with Connecting
180 Hours, Part Twelve: The Problem with Connecting aot stories

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"Oh right, I'm a cranky, tired asshole because I need to get laid?"
You laugh. "Yes! Exactly!

180 Hours, Part Twelve: The Problem with Connecting

"Why is intimacy so difficult for you?" His face turns beet red. "I don't know why I can't be intimate." "Have you ever tried being intimate with yourself?"

"Don't ask that!" His face reddens further. "It's a valid question, please answer." "Yes, and I barely touch myself and makes me gag."

"Why do you think that is?" He rolls his eyes, and gets up from his chair; pacing the room. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Well we're talking about it. Why?" "Because it's dirty. It's gross."

"We're back to childhood experience again. Do you realize how everything we've talked about together comes back to this?"

"What do you expect? I saw what they did to her. I saw the pass of money between their hands." His face clouds over, unreadable.

"Do you equate the whole idea of physical intimacy with personal gain then?" "Both parties are getting what they want out of it aren't they?"

"In the cases that matter, both parties are also giving everything they want as well." "Yeah, it's the risk of finding the one sided situation to be all you ever have that's the problem."

"It's not all like that and your situation and early experiences are not the norm." "Whatever. I've pretty much trained myself to deny that stuff because it's pointless. I don't have time for it even if I did. I don't think I have the emotional capacity for it."

"The fact that you can acknowledge this tells me that you really DO have the emotional capacity. Fear is what drives you away."

"Other people get to have this, not me." "But that's not true Levi, and the fact that you said it like that tells me a lot. You're clinging to crap that doesn't work. It's making you miserable. Stop pushing away from people just because you are afraid of rejection."

"I'm not afraid of rejection!" "Bullshit Levi, that's exactly what is wrong, and that is only one part of your problem."

He returns to the couch to sit beside you. "Okay,yeah. Maybe I am afraid of intimacy and rejection. So what? Intimacy is gross and disgusting. Plus, I've been abandoned enough. Why should I actively seek that out?"

"But yet you continuously try to seek it out with me? Your therapist? It's disgusting based on your experience in childhood and seeing that is your only experience, it's erroneous."

"Tch, this is bullshit. No one NEEDS this." "Everyone needs intimacy Levi, in fact studies have shown the impact of intimacy on our sleeping habits and our general wellbeing and mood."

"Oh right, I'm a cranky, tired asshole because I need to get laid?"

You laugh. "Yes! Exactly! But it's not just that. Everybody needs to feel needed, and cared for. Everyone deserves to feel loved, and that they have something to offer others. That's intimacy. It's not just sex, Levi."

He rolls his eyes. "Prove it.", he mumbles. "Prove it? Oh Levi..." You think about this for a moment. It might be the worse possible idea ever, but if you're going to get your point across....

"Why did you kiss me that one night, Levi?" He gives a startled little jump, and looks away. "Levi...."

He turns to you finally, conflicted and afraid. "Doesn't matter why I did it. You're my therapist, as you seem to enjoy reminding me. We can forget that stupidity happened, right?"

"Remember when I came to your quarters? Why did you feel the need to get all dressed up for me?" "I didn't-"

"Cut the shit, Levi. It was so obvious, not to mention you've never worn cologne before then. And things didn't quite go as you were hoping they would, did they? So?"

You wait out his silence, determined to get an answer. Ages pass before he finally speaks.

"Because this is what I want. You're what I want. Again, it doesn't fucking matter." He gets up then, and heads for the door. You stop him, and grabbing his arm you turn him to face you. Before he can react, your lips are on his.

You let him feel your tongue caress softly against his for a moment before you disengage. The ache in his eyes is almost painful as he leans in, wanting to continue the kiss. You put your hand up to stop it.

"That is so unfair, Y/N." "Why, because I didn't afford you the opportunity to put your defenses up? You asked for proof, there it is."

He stares at you for a moment, and then he kisses you. Wrapping his arms around you, he backs you towards the couch and you fall together in a tangled mess of lips, limbs and exploring hands.

This is when you realize finally that you want this man as much as he wants you. This is so hard. It shouldn't be happening at all, it-

The weight of his body has left you, and your front door slams behind him.

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