Levi is nervous. Oh he's nervous as hell. Y/N is coming to his quarters tonight. She's coming in a professional capacity of course, but still.
Maybe he should clean before she gets here. No, for crying out loud he cleaned his quarters twice already and he smells like a cleaning closet.
She's commented on this before, so the last thing he wants is to be sitting on his couch with a pretty lady, surrounding her in the sultry scent of cleaning products.
Alright, so shower. Drying off quickly, he dashes into his room to get dressed. 10 minutes have passed.
'Fuck Levi, how hard is it to pick a damn shirt??' He finally picks a black one and tossing it on quickly heads back to the bathroom. He got this cedar and rose smelling stuff as a gift from Hanji once, but has never worn it.
Will Y/N like it? He finally decides to try it out and splashes a little on. He buttons his shirt, then undoes it again. Then decides to leave the top 4 buttons undone.
'Can't even figure how to dress myself', he thinks. 'She'll be here in 10 minutes. Relax and do some paperwork.' 'Relax? Fuck I've never felt less like relaxing in my life!'
10:00 arrives and you enter his quarters to find him behind his desk working. "Aren't you going to get ready for bed?" You ask.
"What with you here?" Outwardly he's calm, but inside he's in full panic. Being completely in the dark regarding why you chose to do therapy here is one thing, now you're asking him to get undressed?
He just spent all this time trying to look nice for you!
"Yes with me here." "I've got too much work to do." Blushing furiously, he looks back down and continues to write.
"Levi what do you do before you go to bed?" "I work." He says with a shrug. "Do you actually lay down in your bed?" "No, I fall asleep in my chair."
"How much sleep do you get a night?" "Maybe 2 hours?" Heck, he's not even all that sure himself. "Maybe if you didn't drink all that black tea."
"It keeps me awake." He says defensively, finishing off another cup. "At this time of night, that's the last thing you need!" You start to head for the kitchen, and Levi jumps up quickly; heading you off at the pass.
"You're not taking my tea!" "Levi-" You try to explain, but he grabs your arms hard enough to hurt and yells in your face.
"Back off!" In the ensuing silence he does not take his blazing eyes off you as his fingers dig painfully into your flesh. It's like he's looking right through you.
You know it's not the best way to handle this, especially considering the behavior changes he's been having around you, but you press yourself against him, letting him feel your presence.
Letting your cheek rest against his, you whisper to him. "You're hurting me."
The effect is instantaneous. His arms are around you so tightly, your back makes a small pop noise.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles, face buried in your hair. You pull back as far as he'll allow, he's still got that death grip around your waist.
"I brought you some chamomile tea to try instead." You explain, and his eyes widen in horror. "Is that all this was?"
You nod, not bothering to answer him. He lets go then, and storms to the couch; putting his face in his hands.
"There's valerian in it too, I'll go make some."
He just nods, not looking up from his hands. A few minutes later, you return to the couch and handing him his tea, sit beside him. He jumps when you place your hand on his knee, but relaxes as he takes a drink of the tea.
"This is good." "I don't know how well it will help tonight, given all the black tea you consumed."
He turns to you with a pained look. "Y/N, I'm so sorry about that. I don't know why I flew off the handle like that."
"I know." Again, against better judgement you put your arm around him and rest your head on his shoulder. He returns the gesture, his chin on your head.
"We could talk about it right now if you want to, but I feel it will go better after you've had time to think on it."
"I don't want to think about it. I hurt you, why would I want to think about that?" "Because you were agitated enough to lash out, and that's why I am here. Now, let me ask you a question."
You can feel him nodding, so you continue. "Is sleep a non-event for you?" "What do you mean?"
"Most people might get a drink of water, brush their teeth, or change into sleeping wear before laying down. This is a routine that establishes the Sleep Cycle in the patterns for which you perform it."
"No I do not have a routine other than I work." "What are your dreams like?" "Full of death and blood and pain. Nothing I like to revisit."
"Well, revisiting it is something that you are going to do." "You're a pain in my ass, Y/N."
"Yeah and you're a pain in mine. You need to learn how to relax and establish a set time for when you will sleep."
He rolls his eyes, sits up and gives you a doubtful look. "Levi, you sit up all night doing paperwork to avoid closing your eyes because you're afraid of what you're going to see."
"I'm not afraid." "Yes you are. Deep down, you are and that's okay. So you are going to relax if it kills me."
"Tell me what you dreamed about last night." "Oh crap. Death, blood, watching my comrades die over and over."
"Do you feel guilty that you're still alive?" 'How can she know that??' he thinks, eyes widening in alarm.
"I can see by the look on your face I'm correct. Grief is one thing Levi, punishment for deaths that don't belong to you is something you need to let go of."
"They followed my orders." "Levi, they knew the risks when they signed up. This is not your burden. Remember them yes, but let it go. You don't deserve to carry that, and you've done it for long enough."
He sits lost in thought. He snuggles in closer to you, and you think maybe you should put a stop to this. You stand up, and walk over to get him another cup of tea.
"Get ready for bed, please." "Where are you going to sleep?" He asks, with a lift of his brow.
You sigh in exasperation, sweeping your arm out to indicate the couch on which he's sitting. "Right here, Levi. That way I'm here if you need, and I can observe what and when I need."
"Wouldn't you be able to do that better if you joined me? Big comfy bed and all..." "How the fuck would you know Levi, you don't even sleep in it!" "Let's find out together..."
"Is my face blue? It sure feels blue! For fuck sake Levi knock it off. Why do you have to make this into a joke?" You get up to leave. "Where are you going?"
"To bed, you can suffer alone. Tonight I need a mental health break from YOU!" You slam the door on your way out. Angry, Levi sits behind his desk and defiantly works.
'I'm going to do paperwork all fucking night Y/N, screw you and your relaxation bullshit.' Despite his bitching, he finds himself nodding off right on cue. Damn it! Defeated he drags his ass to bed.