// dirty laundry //
// dirty laundry // poems stories

weeklybrent // you should be loving someone //
Autoplay OFF   •   10 months ago
// drowning in your scent is not synonymous to drowning in you //

// dirty laundry //

** trigger warning: brief mentions of rape and abusive relationships **

i finally did the laundry.

it was the first time,

since you left,

that i rid myself of you.

i’ll be honest,

i didn’t want to.

but my psyche was telling me

that drowning in your smell

was not synonymous to

drowning in you,

to drowning in your love.

can you drown in love?

is that why

i was always scared

when i had to open my mouth

to speak to you?

because i was afraid

that your oceans of insults

would rid me of my voice?

is that why

i couldn’t breathe

after we hugged?

because you dragged me

too far down into this hellhole

of your desires?

is that why

my lungs felt heavy,

and full of liquid

after we kissed?

because you had to remind me

that you had complete and utter control

over my oxygen intake?

is that why

my limbs turned

to jelly when we touched?

because i’ve gone numb

after being underwater

for so long?

is that why i lost myself

in you?

or was that just me losing my soul to you,

and to your waves of so-called “love”.

just because your love felt like heaven,

doesn’t mean you were a safe haven.

i built floodgates,

to keep you away from my soul,

the one thing that i thought was safe from your grasp,

but you took it all,

and now i’m left numb,

now i’m left wordless, breathless, and heavy.

now i’m left anxious, scared, and lost.

now i’m left empty.

sometimes i wear your old hoodies,

with the frayed sleeves

and threaded strings.

it doesn’t smell like you anymore,

just smells like fresh linen,

quite opposite to the rest of me.

i wish i could rid myself of you that simply,

but i scrub my body everyday,

and your memories never leave it.

i’ve realized that no matter

what i do,

you’ll always be along for the journey,

i just wish you could bring my soul around

every once and a while,

because i’ve felt so empty without it.

** announcement (sorta..again) WHAT !?!? DOUBLE UPDATE THURSDAY ASKDJFAKJ hehe once again, tysm for 800 followers, i love each and every one of you sm xx reminder that you can be added to my taglist at any point, just comment xx

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