i am... happy?
it's a little off-putting, to be honest.
...why am i happy?
should i even be questioning it?
yet i know that a dance with the devil
doesn't make him disappear.
he's biding his time, he'll come back
and this happiness will elude me once again
nothing more than a fond memory to hold onto.
what if that devil is gone for good?
what if my acceptance of his hold over me pushed him over the edge?
what if the Depression i named the devil never was as strong as i thought?
and now... what if i'm free?
i never liked being optimistic.
i used to say the only good hope did was to separate the foolish from the grounded.
i used to say hope just set you up for a crushing tsunami of disappointment and betrayal.
and yet now i hope like the people i scorned.
i hope that i am free
i hope that i stay happy
and that hope makes me happy.
a vicious cycle... but not vicious at all.
i am happy because of the hope that i truly am happy,
and i hope that i truly am happy because i can feel what it is to be happy now.
so Happiness and Hope, i apologize for the hate i thrust upon you
and i thank you for forgiving that error.
and now i shall do nothing but pray that the gifts you have given me will last
that this newfound strength will never leave me.
i am happy.