it irks me how some people do not realize that appearance is a constant performance. a struggle to maintain how others perceive us. a fight to be seen as a constant, permanent state of being, of existence
maintaining appearances is draining. it dries out my joy and my health, it makes me tired. i want to be! i want to exist! i want to be formless, in a state of constant change; chaotic in the face of self-progress and improvement.
it scares others when i refuse to settle, refuse to wear any sense of identity: a box, a label that says “you must be this!” i am quiet one day, loud the next, daring then cautious, and they say i am unstable but really, i adore change. i adore growth. and they fear my ability to
adapt, to feel comfortable in every new skin i choose to bear, like trying on new clothes. they fear change, but it frees me. for them, being left behind will be a choice i will not refuse any person who deigns to join me on this journey of self-discovery
this quest to find a constant, a tempest of a self that fits me.