I think too much for my age.
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violandviolinA writer of sorts
Autoplay OFF  •  9 months ago
Part of a personal essay about overthinking, confusion and psychosis.

I think too much for my age.

by violandviolin

Pretending my life has meaning, pretending I'm okay when I'm not, pretending to pretend, it's kinda of like acting, I'm good at that, I like to think

think too much for my age. I think about my past. I think about how I am feeling now, but hardly ever the future and if I do it's romanised daydream of me being happy, taller, skinnier,with a boy

maybe in a mildly successful field I desire.. I feel different to others. I feel like a wanker. I feel angry, I wonder if I even feel love? What if my feels aren't the same as other ?

what if the feeling I thought I had, are not real because I never had them ? Sociopath comes to mind. But I have empathy. I'm just so tired of thinking so intensely like I have to have the answer

to why my brain is like this every single time.

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bernardtwindwilGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
9 months agoReply
You know, if you think about the alternative to thinking too much, it would be having a dead brain. You described a person in adolescence hard on the heels of adulthood so perfectly that I got a big smile on my face remembering how tough it seemed those 60 years ago. You are a writer that has craftsmanship. Who told you that life has to be meaningful? Remember the weltschmerz that you are having now so you can cherish that in later life. This was a really great post! Bye the bye, you are not a sociopath. because you worry about real feeling. A sociopath doesn't give a shit.