It has almost been 19 years since I was born, I remember that not once growing up did you ever look for me.
It's ok I am not here to make you come into my life, I am here to tell you that despite growing up without a father I grew up to be a pretty decent person,
I am graduating high school in June and my 19th birthday is in March.
I don't expect you to care or to show up to either of those events just like you weren't there for my 1st birthday, my first words, or my first steps.
I sometimes wonder why you never tried to come and look for me but I have come to understand that neither you nor my mother was ready for my arrival,
but contrary to you my mother did not have the option of leaving.
Half of my life I spent it fighting to stay alive and trying to not let my mother's creepy old boyfriends take advantage of me; well at least not like her first boyfriend did.
You know I used to blame myself and strongly believed that all the bad things happening to me was because I deserved it; my mothers' neglect, you abandoning me, and all the abuse,
I believed everything was happening because I was cursed. After many sessions with my therapist, I have come to realize you are not worth my tears and you were never worth my time.
A father is not only the one who gives you life but also the one who raises you and for that, I am thankful for my mother although her methods unethical she made me somewhat strong.
She's not the type to listen to your problems or sit by you when you're going through a rough time but at least she was there or at least that is what I tell myself.
There were many situations in which I wished you were by my side but now that I think back on it your absence is what made me independent,
I don't rely on others' affection or attention nor do I feel like I need it from someone like you.
After almost 19 years of living in this unfair and cruel world, I am happy I never met you and that the few happy memories I have were never spent with you.
My children warmed my heart when nights were cold, they dried my tears when nights were sad, and they made me laugh when nights were boring.
I have come to find peace in your absence and have come to an understanding that you whom I still refer to as father do not deserve the honor nor the title of being called my father and
while writing this I feel a great burden being lifted from my shoulders.
I used to believe that I wanted your love and attention...
no I used to believe I needed your love and attention to survive but after living so long and still never meeting you I can say that you were never meant to be in my life and I was
never meant to be part of your life; I have just recently found out that you live in California, good for you, I also found out that I have a stepbrother and a stepmother.
You have made a life of your own and a family of your own,
I do not blame nor do I resent you but I demand that you treat him better than you ever did treat me and that you are part of his life more than you were part of mine.
You have the opportunity to be a real father this time,
do not take it for granted and be someone better not for me but for him who is still growing up and will always call you his father and with that being said I bid my farewell...
Goodbye Henry, I wish you and your family the best.