/inhale/ maybe i just don’t want you to see me like this
/inhale/ maybe i just don’t want you to see me like this \exhale\
/inhale/ maybe i just don’t want you to see me like this \exhale\ /sniffle/
how can i expect to be loved when i don’t love myself? how can i expect to be known when i don’t know myself?
here i am at 21 learning what tears feel like against a chilly autumn night
walking home, waiting at an intersection, wondering if everything goes— why not this? why not you?
the first lamppost from the corner flickers weakly before it comes back and stays
perhaps, i should listen to my body take these tears as a cry for you and reach out to you
\breathe, breathe, breathe\
i try to compose myself before i go up the driveway
looking up at the sky watching planes go by as i wipe my tears away
thinking to myself, perhaps i’m bordering a little over platonic this way
“just had a long day, tbh it’s been a long year. i just wanted to let you know i’m thinking about you and i hope you have a happy birthday.”
how else should i go...? how else can i say...?
“aaahhhh, i hope you’re having a great start to your 22”
i hope you don’t mind me being a part of it too.
•••• belated happy birthday to the person who has shown me what belonging feels like x