It all happened so quickly I was in the ER for a week Fluids attempting to flush out all the toxins
My muscles deteriorated and my mind was in pieces The doctors and nurses did their best That's probably why I'm still here, honestly
I'm not sure since when, I just can't remember When did I forsake myself? Why did I give up on myself? What exactly was I thinking?
I still remember downing a whole water bottle and over two hundred pills I still remember being all alone I still remember that cold, regretful night
So now, I question my purpose I question who I am I question what I will do I question myself and my decisions
Why did I forsake myself before other's even thought of giving up on me? Why did I act so brashly and stupidly? Why? Why? And why?
I can't conprhend my thoughts I can't comprehend my actions I can't comprehend myself
However, I can't lie I felt at peace knowing that I wouldn't wake up I felt that everything was over with I felt that I would finally be done playing this dumb game called "Life"
Of course I had regrets I wanted my family to be financially stable I wanted to be with You and for us to be happy I wanted to pursue my passions
But I was at an all time low I was taught how to stand and walk on my own But I was never taught how to got up if I fell down So I lay there
I lay there in agony, a subtle pain I didn't realize I was depressed until I tried to take my life I find myself to be a fool who can't even understand my own emotions
Is it really possible to be human without knowing what happiness is? Is it really possible to be alive without knowing yourself? I honestly don't know and I'm still trying to figure it out
What does it mean to be normal? What does it mean to be yourself? What does it mean to feel?
Is this all necessary? Or did someone just decide that it was? Will I ever figure this out? If so how will I know when I do?
For now I find myself drifting in an empty plane Distant and detached from everything Perhaps it's good to take a break every now and then