Finding Someone
Finding

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unrequitable
unrequitable We've all been drunk on emotions, right?
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
Sometimes it takes losing someone to find something

Finding Someone

We met in an odd way and it was the first time I've ever felt like THAT.

I wanted to get into something SERIOUS, madly in LOVE with you.

People said we didn't MATCH. We WEREN'T for each other. There was a LACK OF CHEMISTRY.

But then again, BEAUTY'S in the EYE of the BEHOLDER, not in some SPECTATORS'.

At first, we started TEXTING and slowly began to get to know each other.

We stayed up late , forging happy MEMORIES and asking inquisitive QUESTIONS.

The more I got to know YOU, the more I CRAVED to spend time with you, I wonder if you FELT the same.

We'd text each other EVERYDAY. Setting aside our daily activities.

Indulging in one another, this feeling of UTTER BLISS. We kept each other ACCOMPANIED via texts and emojis.

We GOOFED around and gave each other GLEEFUL gazes in the halls and classrooms, eyes locking and shining.

Eventually, I asked you on a DATE. Swiftly you replied and an unadulterated EXCITEMENT filled my body. No WORDS could explain how I felt.

However, perhaps I OVERSTEPPED my bounds. OVERTHOUGHT all my actions and uncertain of how you felt, why would you LOVE someone like ME?

Realization swept me up and shook me so VIOLENTLY back to a dim REALITY. My SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS and UNNERVING THOUGHTS kept getting the best of me.

You were someone TOO GOOD for me. I didn't DESERVE someone so amazing, and so, I continued to CHOKE.

I could feel things beginning to slip, it HURT so badly. Why'd I feel so GUILTY?

There were days where you wouldn't even LOOK at me when I spoke. Eventually, I CONVINCED myself that it was my FAULT...

...my fault everything came CRASHING DOWN.

The more I got to know you, the more I REALIZED that I didn't deserve you. My SELF−WORTH plummeted, SELF−ESTEEM fading. If I had any to BEGIN with that is.

I felt like an EMPTY husk left lying around, waiting for someone or something to throw me into the bin.

Plans CANCELLED. Texting NO MORE. A NON−EXISTING barrier helped separate us, completely ESTRANGING us.

My world came to a STANDSTILL. I was LOST and DEFEATED without you. I wanted you back and I wanted what WE had back too.

I should've GRASPED TIGHTLY onto what we had. I should've embedded it onto my SOUL, sown it onto my HEART. And so now, I ask myself, WHY?

I told you I loved you. Thinking everything was going to be OKAY.

So hopeful. So optimistic. So simple−minded. So inexperienced. I felt so STUPID and DUMB. I completely lost you...

I DWELT and DWELT and DWELT on it. I practically became mad, going INSANE over everything that came to happen.

You were still on my MIND. I wondered how you were doing. Did you CARE? Did you FEEL anything at all?

You looked so HAPPY. Unphased, like NOTHING had happened. I was riddled with EMOTIONS that became aggravated more and more everyday.

It ACCUMULATED to terrible migraines and puffed up eyes. I wanted to just give in, I lost my LIGHT, my one and only strive. I FELL so far into a pitch black pit.

But, a FRIEND made me realize how much I CHANGED. I seemed to have grown, some for the GOOD, some for the BAD.

So, I REFLECTED and THOUGHT. I learned a great deal about OTHERS but also learnt about MYSELF I came to realize that it took LOSING you to find myself as an INDIVIDUAL.

Losing you will always be one of my biggest REGRETS. I'll always look back and remember that BEAUTIFUL SMILE and those GORGEOUS EYES. You were MY ALL and brought me an IMMEASURABLE amount of JOY to my LIFE.

But it's time for me to MOVE ON and get along with my life. No more DWELLING. So I'll CONTINUE to work on myself and ACHIEVE my own goals.

I'll keep marching onward till I find my own SENSE OF PURPOSE and have FULFILLED myself. I will find ME.

Perhaps by then, we could sit down over a cup of COFFEE and catch up.

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