Title: Death/Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy.)
AN: I am going to apologize before you guys read this because people may be acting out of character. Sorry!
Everyone around me danced and hugged each other in desperation as I stumbled out of the X-wing ship. As I made my way carefully through the crowd, my injuries were painful.
But not as painful as the feeling of having part of my soul ripped out and stomped on then thrown away by Ben Solo's death.
It was pitiful. I was the Last Jedi. I "saved" the galaxy but in reality, I lost almost everything. Kylo Ren...Ben Solo was a young boy shoved into a horrible situation.
He didn't deserve to die on Exogol. He didn't deserve to die at all.
Finn and Poes saw me among the chaos and huge smiles grew on their faces. They ran through the crowd and soon we were in a crushing hug. Overjoyed to see us all still alive.
But something in the pit of my thoughts reminded me that I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. Connected with the force. Why can't I just enjoy a few moments of peace?
We pulled away and Finn and Poe started joking and laughing, talking about their experiences during the battle.
The Suns began to set across the world and people broke apart to return to their huts. The energy of the final war being destroyed was still in the air.
We returned to the Millennium Falcon, finally, it got to the dreaded part of the conversation. What did I experience?
"What happened while you were on the planet, Rey?" Poe asked. Concern laced his tone. "It must have been tough."
Tough? Tough doesn't even start to describe the pure hell that I went through down there.
"Um, another time guys. I am pretty tired." I replied with a weak smile. I wasn't lying. I am exhausted, exhausted from fighting, exhausted from dealing with this crippling loneliness.
We said our final goodbyes and I quickly walked up the ramp to the inside of the Millennium Falcon. I closed the ramp, closing the ship off from the rest of the world.
I heard the puttering noises and occasion Wookie noises of Chewie swearing as he was fixing the ship.
I chuckled to myself at how much Chewie hasn't changed over the years that I have grown to know him.
I said goodnight to Chewie as I passed the cockpit and he replied with "GGWWWRGHH."
I smiled at him and walked further down the corridor, opening the door to one of two quarters on the Falcon. This one belonged to me.
The other to Chewie since now I was one of the official owners of the ship.
I turned off the lights and slumped onto my bed. Entangling myself in my covers. Part of me was still expecting to suddenly see Ben giving me a crooked smile across from me.
To feel his calming presence but I knew it was a lie. A lie that is a reality that is killing me.
For the next week, I fell into a schedule that I kept up with every day.
It would go like this: Wake up, have breakfast, repair Falcon with Chewie, meditate, have lunch, meditate, train, have dinner, train and meditate once more,
than finally go to bed and repeat the process again the next day.
Today it was just after my last training session. I turned off my new lightsabre that was constructed just a few days ago.
The golden light disappeared as I marched out of the forest area, across the camp and towards the Falcon again. Still feeling empty.
"Rey?" The quiet voice of Rose called out as I stepped onto the ramp with haste. I cursed silently and turned around to see the concerned expressions of Rose, Finn and Poe staring back at me.
"Something is wrong. What is it?"
An excuse. That is what I needed right now. They wouldn't understand. They only saw Kylo Ren. Not Ben Solo. They...don't understand.
"N-Nothing. Nothing is wrong." I snapped. They stepped closer.
"Rey." Poe began, "Please don't lie to us, we are your friends. We want to help. You have been more withdrawn lately. What happened?"
Unjustified anger hit me, I have no reason to be angry with them. But I am.
"You wouldn't understand." I snapped back harshly. My hands clenched into fists.
"At least let us try-"
"Fine!" I yelled in rage and stepped off the ramp and marched over to them. Getting angrier and angrier as the seconds ticked by. "You want to know so bad? The truth? The truth is awful.
I feel empty! I feel like I have no fucking meaning because he is gone!"
Tears streamed down my face and I collapsed to the ground sobbing. I couldn't stop. Rose knelt in front of me and pulled me into a hug, trying to make me feel better as the boys knelt behind her.
"Who is gone?" Finn carefully asked.
I clutched Rose tighter in grief as my thoughts went back to Ben.
"Ben!" I sobbed harder into Rose's hair and she kept trying to calm me down.
"Ben?" Finn muttered. "Wait, wait, wait. Ben Solo? As in Kylo Ren?!"
"Finn, shut up!" Poe said, sensing the confusion as he tried to process what was said.
"Why is she in love with Kylo REN?!" Finn hissed at Poe. I sensed his confusion and anger towards Ben in the force.
"Stop trying to analyze it! Let's just help Rey right now. Comfort now, think later." Poe insisted.
I pulled away, Rose still sat across from me, I managed to get a hold of myself enough to look up at them.
"His name was Ben Solo. I was in...love...with Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren." I snapped and sucked in a deep breathe.
"I don't understand. What happened to him?" Poe asked.
Everyone in the resistance doesn't know what happened to him. Last time anyone but I saw him, he was on the Death Star with me. Should I tell them? They deserve to know. They should know.
I stared down at the ground.
"Ben came to help me defeat Palpatine, but when he took our life force created by the dyad, we both collapsed and soon after he used the force to throw Ben in a nearby deep pit.
Then I managed t gain enough strength from the former Jedi using the force and killed Palpatine. Just after I defeated Palpatine. I collapsed and...died." I started slowly.
Reliving the events as if they happened yesterday,
"You died?!" Poe blurted out. Finn elbowed him to be quiet and nodded for me to continue.
"When I woke up, Ben was holding me. He used his force energy to bring me back. He...looked so peaceful and happy to see me alive. He smiled. He actually smiled.
" I continued, tears started to stream down my face again as I remember his beautiful smile. "I kissed him, I loved him. When he pulled back...We were happy. Together. But...
then he slipped away and fell to the ground. I couldn't feel him anymore. His force spirit was gone. Then he simply disappeared. I felt like part of my soul was ripped out and I feel so empty.
I loved him."
I sobbed again and Rose pulled me into another hug.
"So he turned good? That seems hard to believe." Finn muttered. I got up and stepped away from them.
"I don't care if you don't believe me! It doesn't matter anyway. I am leaving in the morning." I snapped.
"You're leaving? Why?" Rose asked as she got up and stood with the other two.
"It's personal. Don't worry. I will be back." I said. One day I will be back.
I turned around and walked past Chewie, who was standing near the entrance of the Falcon. I looked up at him sadly. He knew Ben much longer than I did. I hadn't told him Ben died yet.
The last Solo...The last skywalker has died.
"I am sorry, Chewie." I muttered and closed the ramp, rushing to my quarters to escape.