I had texted Jo earlier and told her to meet me near the lighthouse tower. I had been waiting here ever since I left Rita’s.
I had nowhere else to go and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be anyways. I was so nervous. I was pacing back and forth knowing that she could be here any minute.
I didn’t know how I would tell her, I just knew that I had to.
It was snowing heavily and it was freezing out, but I didn’t care, plus I was conditioned to cold weather anyways.
In the distance I could see a female figure walking closer and instantly my stomach churned. My heart rate began to speed up. It was time to tell her how I really felt.
I tried to calm myself down a bit, but there was no use.
“As cold as it is out here, you’re wearing nothing but a long sleeve shirt?” She laughed. Her smile brightened her face, but her smile began to fade as she seen the seriousness in my face.
“Is everything okay?” She wondered.
“Yeah, I’m just a bit nervous and…” I sighed. “I don’t know.” I began taking a bunch of deep breaths to try to calm me down and steady my breathing.
“You’re starting to scare me… Can you relax?” She walked up to me and grabbed my hands. “Holy shit, you’re freezing.” She laid her hand upon my face. “How long have you been out here?”
“Ever since I texted you.” I told her.
“Oh my god, you’re going to get hypothermia or something. Come talk to me in the car,” she said still warming up my face with her hands.
“No, I’m fine, just listen…” I took a deep breath. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it…” I paused. I grabbed her hands and looked into her mokka brown eyes.
She was so beautiful.
“I love you…” I told her. There was a long pause.
“I love yo-”
“No, I don’t mean as a friend,” I cut her off. “I mean I’m in love with you Jo.”
“I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. I just knew you were the one. We hit it off so good and you’ve always been a great friend to me.
You were there for me at times when others weren’t and you’ve never betrayed me. I appreciate you and everything you do for me and I want you to be my girlfriend.” I told her.
“Trey… That’s so flattering… But what about Rita?”
“She dumped me and I’m thankful she did too because my feelings for her were nothing compared to the ones I have for you, and I want to show you that.”
There was a long pause, she let go of my hands and stood there for a second looking at the ground.
“So… You Just want me now because she dumped you right?” She asked in an annoyed fashion. “Am I just a rebound to you?”
“No, no, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all.”
“Well it sure seems like it. How come when I told you I liked you the other day you had nothing to say?” She gave me her infamous death stare that she would give to people she hated.
She’s never given me that look before.
“I don’t know… I was just..”
“Busy sleeping with that slut?”
“Woah, relax, you’re taking things way out of context,” I told her.
“No, I’m taking it where it needs to go. If you really “loved” me, you would’ve dumped her a long time ago.”
“I know, I should’ve… I was just stupid okay. Please Jo, let me show you how much you really mean to me.” She froze for a second.
I knew she was thinking about it, but I wasn’t so sure she would go along with it. “Please.”
She sighed. “As much as I want to, I can’t. I’m sorry.” She said. Once again my heart dropped and I began feeling sick to my stomach. “I’m not okay with being your second choice.
All my life guys like you would use me as a second choice and I’m sick of it. Why can’t I be someone’s first choice for once?”
“I know I messed up. I should’ve never treated you like that, but if you give me a chance, from this point forward I swear you will always be my first choice.”
“I’m sorry, but the answer is no,” she stated once more. “Look I’m sorry that she dumped you and all and I hope you feel better, but I’ve gotta go. You should go inside before you get sick.
” She began to walk away. I couldn’t just stand there and watch the girl of my dreams walk out of my life like that. I had to do something.
“Wait,” I shouted and chased after her. “Johanna,” I turned her around and rested both of my hands on her face.
“Don’t call me that.” She continued giving me her death stare.
“Please, I love you more than anything. I will do anything. I’m dropping it all for you.” I dropped to my knees in all the snow.
“I promise, if you just give me this one chance, I’ll drop every girl that I talk to. I’ll drop all my friends that you don’t like.
We can even leave this dumb state and move somewhere nice, just the two of us by ourselves. I really want to be with you and you only for the rest of my life. I just need this once chance.
Her death stare faded into a sad puppy dog look. She began breathing a bit heavier and her eyes became glazed over. “I’m sorry.” Her voice shook. “I can’t...
I don’t know if I can trust you right now.. Or ever. Please do me a favor and don’t call me or text me or ask me again or anything, okay?..Just don’t... I’ve gotta go.” She walked off fast.
I was devastated. Speechless. Even though I couldn’t see her face, I knew the tears began falling as soon as she turned away..
Well that’s it… I just lost one of the most sincere and caring girls in my life and it was all because of my selfish ways. I guess this is what I deserved all along.
All my bad deeds finally caught up with me. Now I’m all alone wishing all the pain would just end already. Maybe I just fall in love too easily. But I knew one thing for sure, I’d probably never love another girl as much as I loved her.
I walked over and took a seat against the lighthouse tower and just sat there thinking. I didn’t care if I froze to death anymore.