Here I walk. Alone. Twiddling the lone rose in my hand.
I don't normally visit grave sites. Out of all the people that I've lost I've never went to go visit them. I never felt the need to. It was pointless.
I don't like having conversations with people that can't speak back, but this time was different.
It's been bothering me for some time now and I just have to release these demons that I have caged inside...
Just how I pictured it... Empty... Gloomy. The sky was a washed out, lifeless grey, you can tell the rain would be hitting soon. It's funny.
It seems like every time someone I know dies there's always a storm to follow it...
I continued my walk through the desolate cemetery in search of her grave. It's been so long, I couldn't even remember where it was located.
I began reading the names of all those who had passed and in my head picturing what they were like and how they died. I came across a familiar name Rocky... I remembered him.
I stopped in the middle of the cemetery to think. Think about things he used to do just to be cool and feel accepted. Now look at him....
It's crazy to think I'm the reason for some of these people being here.
After a while, I finally found it. I took a seat next to the grave and just sat there in silence for a second. Thinking. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know where to begin.
"Well..." I said awkwardly. "I never got to tell you thanks... Thanks for being the biggest bitch around... But also thank you for everything you've done. Or at least tried to do.
I know you tried sometimes. You're not as horrible of a person as some others are, but you're still pretty bad." I laughed and leaned up against the tomb.
I sighed, "My point is even though you were a horrible person, I know you tried sometimes... And that's good enough for me. So long buddy."
From behind I heard a gun cock, "You ready to die today?" A familiar voice emerged. I didn't bother to look back or to even get up.
"Fuck it, go ahead, what do I have to live for anyways?" I sighed.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this," he said.
"Yeah, I know. Me too."
"You heard me."
"You knew this was going to happen?"
"Yeah. Of course. I'd have to be an idiot to not see this coming."
"Then why'd you play along like it was okay?"
I stood up and turned around to face him, "Because Eli, I want to die. I've wanted to die ever since seventh grade. I hate my life and just about everyone in it. I have no one.
My girl don't love me, the girl I'm actually in love with played me, my crew is full of backstabbers..." I paused. "The truth is, Eli, nothing's really been keeping me here.
So if you're going to do it, just do it." I turned away from him.
"If nothing is keeping you here, then why are you still here?" He asked.
"I don't know..." I racked my brain to yield an answer, but I couldn't. The truth is I don't know why I'm still here. "Well no one has dealt with me up until this point...
Plus as stupid as this sounds, I feel kind of guilty for leaving."
"You hate everyone, yet you feel guilty for leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense, but there's people all over that are still counting on me to make things right for them. I don't even know why I care or try at this point.
" I looked back at Eli, he wasn't aiming his gun at me anymore, he was just standing there looking down at the ground.
I thought this would be a perfect time to try to attack him, but what was the point? Why even fight back? "Well, go ahead, I'm ready." I turned away from him looking down at the ground.
"If that's really what you want," he replied.
At that moment I could feel everything. My fears, my problems, everything slowly fading away. The heavy strain of life slowly being lifted away.
No more suffering, no more pain, no more anything. I closed my eyes and got ready.
BANG! A loud shot went off. I could hear the crows gathering in groups and flying away in fear. Something was wrong, I was still standing.
I opened my eyes and turned around. "What the fuck?"
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, Eli was dead. A clean bullet hole through his head.
"NO! NOOOOO!" I shouted. "This wasn't supposed to happen, it was supposed to be me. Who's responsible for this!?!" I shouted, but got no reply. "ANSWER ME!" I dropped down on one knee in anger.
Meanwhile, In another part of town:
I cocked the sniper and released the bullet from the chamber. I looked through the scope down and watched him as he dropped the rose on the grave site and sat down resting against it.
I couldn't help, but smile uncontrollably.
"You're welcome," I said as if he could hear me. "I know you didn't ask for my help or even want it, but I wasn't going to let you die over something stupid. Youre my best friend."
He saved my life this very same way when Rocky tried to kill me. That night I was petrified.
At first I didn't know who saved me, but I knew that once I found out who it was, I'd owe them big time. It's funny how things happen and we never realize it. We’ve always had each other's back.
We never actually see it happen, but it's almost like we're always watching over each other. Almost as if we're each other's guardian angels.