Loved loved stories

traptluvMelancholic writer. Cynic. Artist.
Autoplay OFF  •  3 years ago
Reader's discretion is advised. A dialogue about healing. Pictures belong to their respective owners. Follow @traptluv for more.


by traptluv

I don't love you,

but I loved you.

I don't hate you,

but I don't want to anticipate seeing you in my dreams or online on social media

I don't want you

but how I wish I had you

I could use eternity away to get over you,

but I keep finding myself searching for you one way or another

I don't need you,

but I wish I had spent more time with you because I lay in bed at night thinking of the best times we could have had

I'm not lost without you,

but oh how happy I would have felt if I were to be yours forever

It's not me,

but it's not you either and that's what bothers me the most because if it were either of us at least there would have been the possibility of change

You made me feel at home,

but if I come back now it wouldn't feel like home anymore

What's lost is lost,

but never forgotten

I feel with you,

but I also feel better without you

We shared many things together,

but my romanticizing an ideal of you is what broke us apart

I expected my imagination of you to come true,

but when I realized my conception of you was after all just a conception, I realized how wrong it was to be with you

We were in love,

but actually I was in love

I was by myself the entire time I was with you,

and the fact that I realized this told me that I had some hope left in myself

I held on tightly to you,

but I didn't, I held on to myself

I wiped my own tears away-

tears that you caused to fall while I was lost, thinking you were the one making me feel better

When I left you I noticed you held on to memories of me,

but you never said a word to anyone about that

You managed to convince yourself that I was just like the other ones from your past, but for some reason you saw me in that movie you re-watched- the one we once saw together

You pictured my smile when you re-listened to my favorite song and reality stopped for you

You didn't realize what was happening to you and you shrugged it off with "having one of those bad days," but I knew and I silently noticed the change in you

You became while I was becoming,

but it was for the worst

I was breathing while you stopped breathing and I didn't do a thing about it because I knew you'd try to make me stop breathing too

While you were losing yourself, I was composing myself into something stronger

Now that I look back,

you ruining me was the worst and the best thing you ever did for me

Trying to convince me that everything I knew was just lies fed into me was not even the worst of it

Telling me to come back to you,

so that you could continue to pretend to love me was not even the worst of it

Letting go of me was

and it was also the best thing you ever did for me

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