I am so sore. But I never take it off because I can not bear the affliction that is looking at my chest. Hands, Shoulders, Neck, none of it's right.
When you say she in my mind I am screaming back “he!”.When you say silly little girl I respond with”I am not a girl! Nor have I ever been.
”You can't see these scars that are so deeply embedded in my skin. Every she, her, sweetheart, darling, princess, are like taking a knife through my skin.
I'm bleeding blue but you keep painting me a hazy shade of pink. Why can't you see that your words and your expectations are cutting me?
Cutting me down further and further. Soon I will not even be able to stand.
I wish to free myself from the bondage of my chromosomes own making.
To escape from this cage.
This cage is my body and I have been held prisoner by it for so long even though I know I am the only person with the key. The key that will set me free.
Our bodies are wood but only we can sculpt them to what we believe we are truly supposed to look like. My Hair, My Skin, My own awareness that there is something wrong.
That the body I was born in is not correct.
I wish this life could end like a fairy tale. I could wake up one day and the body I am now trapped in would be right. And I would never feel the way that I do now ever again.
This has made me miserable but the only way I've kept going is the idea of one day.
One day I will be free from this body I am bound to. And I can embrace who I truly am.
That I can go out and the world will see who I really am. To change my flesh to match my mind. To change this vessel to match my soul.
That one day I will be a real boy.