Nothing seemed right. Everything was falling apart slowly, but he didn’t know why. It seemed as if a couple days ago everything was perfect.
They had just told each other they loved one another. It was almost as if they honeymooned at Hoseok’s house. As far as he knew, he did nothing wrong.
So, why? Why was Jimin becoming distant? Why was there a palpable tension? Why was their blooming love fading? Why was the color trying to escape?
Hoseok asked himself these questions as he rode the bus home. All he did was show Jimin love and affection. He didn’t understand why Jimin was suddenly trying to pull himself away from him.
Maybe Jimin was just nervous. However, this brought up another question. Why would Jimin be nervous? The more he thought about it, only one logical answer popped up; the upcoming competition.
This would be Jimin’s first competition. Hoseok was nervous himself for his first competition. He didn’t know why he overlooked such an obvious fact. This had to be the competition’s doing.
At least, Hoseok thought it had to be the competition’s doing. Jimin couldn’t just be getting bored of Hoseok, he just couldn’t. Quickly, Hoseok shook his head to get rid of this thought.
If he dwelt on it any more then he would surely become despondent.
“This is your stop,” Hayoon called out. Hoseok didn’t realize that the bus had stopped. He hopped out of his seat and walked towards the exit. “Thank you,” Hoseok smiled as he bowed.
“Hoseok,” Hayoon stated as her brows furrowed. “Yes?” Hoseok replied. “Are you okay? You seem distant,” Hayoon worriedly questioned.
As soon as the question left her mouth, Hoseok blanked out.
He never really asked himself that. If Hoseok was being totally honest, he was terrified. He was terrified of being unwanted by the person he loved.
The thought of Jimin leaving him made his eyes water. Things were going great, at least for Hoseok. With that, a realization entered his mind.
This whole time he never stopped to ask Jimin what he wanted. He always just assumed that Jimin was enjoying himself as well. Could it be possible that Jimin was never happy?
“Hoseok?” Hayoon called out as she waved her hand in front of his face. “Oh, sorry. Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” Hoseok replied as he forced a smile.
He exited the bus and waved at Hayoon. “Take care of yourself,” Hayoon smiled as she closed the door. Hoseok watched the bus disappear as it left behind a trail of black smoke.
He took a deep breath in and began to walk home.
Jimin was just like the bus. As Jimin drove away from Hoseok, he left behind a trail of despair and anxiety.
The only difference between Jimin and the bus was that the trail from the bus disappeared, while the trail Jimin left behind didn’t.
The only way to get rid of this trail was to find out the reason why Jimin was driving away. “Am I driving him away?” Hoseok asked himself.
He missed Jimin’s warm smile. He missed Jimin’s joyous laugh. He missed Jimin. There was nothing he could do, especially if Jimin was pushing away from him on his own accord.
All he could do was express himself. If Jimin didn’t exactly know what he was feeling then Hoseok could show Jimin what HE was feeling.
One thing was for sure, Hoseok loved Jimin with all his heart. He would do anything to win Jimin’s love back, but he didn’t want to smother him.
* * *
Jimin covered his face with his hands as he laid on his bed. His original plan was to practice all day at home, but he couldn’t. He was too tired to practice, but too hungry to sleep.
However, nothing seemed appetizing. The stale chips and leftovers from weeks ago weren’t quite what he was craving. Maybe he wasn’t in fact hungry and he was just experiencing a stomach ache.
One thing was for sure, Jimin’s heart was aching.
Hoseok was the reason for this. Jimin was so desperately trying to make Hoseok happy, but it seemed that he was doing the opposite.
Choosing to go home and not spend the day with Hoseok was a hard decision, but it had to be done. There was an ulterior motive and that was to practice. However, his body wouldn’t let him.
This would be another day wasted.
There was one thing he didn’t understand and that was why Hoseok pulled away from him. This had been bugging him all day and he wanted an answer.
All of his thoughts didn’t seem rational enough, but he didn’t want to ask Hoseok himself. He was afraid that Hoseok would think that he was overreacting.
You broke his heart.
He just wanted to spend time with you.
Was that really too much to ask?
You’re pushing him away.
He clutched his heart as he wriggled on the bed. His heart was hammering against his chest, which caused his body to shake.
The beautiful, vibrant Hoseok popped up in every corner of his mind. As the wind blew through Hoseok’s hair, he smiled and revealed his adorable dimples.
Jimin’s tears began to flow out as Hoseok began to giggle. “Jimin,” Hoseok murmured as he extended his hand. “Hoseok,” Jimin cried out as he reached out. However, he grabbed nothing but air.
The uncomforting loneliness devoured him. When did Jimin start to feel so alone?
He couldn’t handle the loneliness. Jimin grabbed his phone and clicked onto the text message app. Once he clicked on Hoseok’s name, he froze and began to think of what to type.
Even though he desperately wanted to see Hoseok, he knew that it would be selfish. They lived on opposite sides of town and it wasn’t fair for Hoseok to come all the way back to Jimin.
Suddenly, Jimin realized that he could go see Hoseok on his own.
It wasn’t like he never visited Hoseok on his own. He had done it once before, so it would be easy to do again. Jimin began to smile as he imagined what Hoseok’s reaction would be.
Then he started to frown. “Would he even want to see me?” Jimin muttered as he tossed and turned. They didn’t necessarily leave off on a good note.
Maybe it was selfish of Jimin to want to see Hoseok after everything he put him through.
Jimin exited his messages with Hoseok. He couldn’t be at home all alone. Thankfully, Jimin knew someone around the corner that would gladly hangout with him.
As he wiped his damp face, Jimin clicked on Jungkook’s name.
J: want to go out?
Almost immediately, Jimin’s phone vibrated with Jungkook’s response.
JK: hyung...I have a boyfriend
Jimin began to grin as he read Jungkook’s message. Jungkook’s goofy personality always lifted his spirits.
J: I know that! Would you like to HANGOUT? JK: OF COURSE J: meet me at my house JK: on my way
Jimin placed his phone down and walked to his closet. He felt bad that he had blown Hoseok off but was going to hang out with Jungkook.
However, Jimin didn’t see any other way to cure this horrible feeling in his heart. Of course, Jimin knew that this would only distract him from his pain.
The only way for the pain to cease would be by seeing Hoseok. No matter what happened, Jimin wanted Hoseok to know that he loves him.