A secret of Shame
A secret of Shame stories

tompk1cassondraI'm an aspiring actress and author.
Autoplay OFF  •  6 months ago
Losing my virginity, which happened two days ago. I have warn you it's graphic, so please don't judge or report me.

A secret of Shame

by tompk1cassondra

You meet him on Snapchat, a boy by the name of Sam.

He tells you that he goes to your school.

Oh how convenient that is.

A question pops up from his chat room

"You wanna smash?"

At first you think smash means to get drunk at a bar

But as we all know when a guy asks you if you wanna "smash" that indicates one thing...


All your life your family has constantly told you no sex before marriage.

And you lived by that vow, to practice abstinence. To remain a virgin and live by God's word.


You want to say no, to tell him to get lost and go screw himself.

But curiosity takes over and you find yourself walking into the path of temptation.

And you respond "Yes."

Surprising yourself, guilt seeps into your heart.

But you remember something that your aunt said to you that made you feel worthless.

Guilt becomes anger

Anger becomes rebellion.

You tell him your aunt won't be home until 5:00 p.m.

Sounds like something out of a teen flick, doesn't it?

He says one word "Perfect."

The date is set.

He will be at your house at 10:45 a.m.

The day finally arrives.

Like a housekeeper working in a hotel of high quality, you make sure everything is perfect for your guest.

Especially your outfit, which is made of a black and gold lace bra, leopard panties to match.

Covered by a jet black suit jacket, a pearl necklace hangs on your neck, earrings shaped like diamonds dangle from your ears.

High heels that are almost sandal like pinch your feet, making it difficult to walk and stand.

But that's what you told him you'd wear.

Your phone dings, it’s him. Sam.

He's waiting outside

You let him in and he gives the money to go get condoms.

Even though he’s perfectly capable of getting them himself, but you get them anyway. You walk for about 30 minutes and you arrive at the store.

Relieved that they're open at this time.

You get the condoms and walk back to the house Debating weather to call this thing off.

You arrive at your house. He’s not there.

You call his name and he comes out from your room.

He takes the condoms and opens it not putting one yet.

Shaking, you face him.

He comes to you, feeling your body Loving every inch of it.

He undos your jacket and kisses your neck He turns you around to undo your bra He succeeds and it falls to the floor.

Arms cover your naked chest, feeling uncomfortable and self- conscious.

Arms removed from your chest and kisses are placed on each breast.

Hands caress your waist and bottom.

Arms wrapped around his neck, still shaking out fear and anxiety.

Taking his hand, you lead him to your bedroom. Door closed.

Panties slide from your body and onto the floor Pants off

His “Manhood” ready to dominate.

He looks at you, eyes filled with lust and desire Desire for you to dominate his “Manhood”.

Without knowledge of domination or any other sexual act.

You do it, dominate his “manhood” several times.

Condom on Laying back, he gets on top of you. He tells you that you can put your arms on his back.

His “manhood” jammed inside you, A pain that feels like an iron pole being shoved up and crushing your insides.

A pain so powerful, you grit your teeth and try not to cry out.

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Moan.

A noise of pain escapes from your mouth, tears dripping down your face.

Your shaking increases as he turns you over And does his business on you and in you.

You did not satisfy him nor were you satisfied He leaves without a trace.

You sit there traumatized about what happened Almost as if you’ve been taken advantage of even though you consented.

In way, you were taken advantage of All he wanted was your body, not your soul.

You feel like a prostitute without pay Guilt and shame fill your heart.

And you're left with one question...

Was it worth it?

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tirrellmimia lover and lifer
5 months agoReply
your writing is amazing, and your message even more amazing. i believe that many will read this and learn from you

5 months agoReply
you seem like an amazing person. i wish you the best! be strong!

6 months agoReply
sad it is hard esp trust love the way you wrote it to let others know ..hugs great write..you are powerful to write it the you will be stronger

6 months agoReply
Was it worth it? Life is about experience. We live and learn and, some, like you, take your learnings and share to teach others. Was it worth it? To trigger such beautifully honest, heartfelt, and soul touching prose coupled with an important lesson from which others can learn, relate to, and know that they are not alone in this type of experience - I have to honestly say, Yes - it was worth it. You are gifted - don't ever stop writing.

6 months agoReply
Powerful, great description. I enjoyed reading this.

drjgelbPsychiatrist - Veterans' Mental Health
6 months agoReply
Was it worth it? You are the person you are today as a result of all you have experienced to date & if you approach life's ups & downs with the aim of gradually becoming wiser, this experience too will have been worth something important........you!

tompk1cassondraI'm an aspiring actress and author.
6 months agoReply
@phantomhive0227 thank you so much!

phantomhive0227Bronze CommaThe sun has come again to hold you
6 months agoReply
Don't feel ashamed ! You made a mistake,that's human! There's nothing wrong with that,as long as you remember who you are,and you don't beat yourself up about it,you'll get through this! You are amazingly strong and brave to write this,and it's inspired me to write my own story. Amazing post!!

tompk1cassondraI'm an aspiring actress and author.
6 months agoReply
To all of who commented on my poem, thank you so much. You really touched my heart. I really do appreciate everyone's love and support. May God bless you all! So thank you @bernardtwindwil, @greenspace, @salomojillie, @lisa, and @michaelschuzle! Love you all so much!🤗🤗🤗🤗

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
6 months agoReply
The writing was a poignant portrait of your experience of being used as carnal chattel. That can't be fun for anyone. You made a mistake. You yielded to an indelicate curiosity. By writing this beautiful story you took a gigantic step forward in the healing process. Do not let anyone shame you. If they use religion to do so, demand that they produce the verse that condemns you. Quote to them Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged." Your virginity is of little consequence to who you are. Your ability to deal with a poor choice is what is important. You deserve the love of a boy/man who cherishes you. I will right here and now guarantee you that you will find each other. Do not let this keep you from love. Do not think you are unworthy of love. There are people here to support you. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, I will not repeat that mistake. Because I am stronger now for the experience." I am impressed by your courage. Much love granddaughter!!!!!