I hate that I need someone to make me happy
I hate the game I have to play
I hate the lying
The cheating too
When I think of you
I hate that I need someone to make me feel wanted
Like my family and I are not enough
It's not that I don't love myself
But over and over again, I catch myself in the same bluff.
I think what I'm trying to say
Is that I may need you tomorrow
Or even today
And then you'll leave
I'll wake up from my dream
And go back to three A.M
Writing on this very screen.
I've never been taken
But I don't really feel single
I dream too much for that
In my head I'm loved
Outside I'm shunned
And I really don't agree with that.
I hate that I can't make myself happy
No matter how hard I try
I always find myself in the same position
Trying not to cry
In my room
On the bed
With my arms wrapped around my head
Because suddenly I'll crave what I've never had
His arm around my back
His smile pointed my way
His cologne drugging me as he holds me close
Almost having a heart attack when his lips brush mine
Because I'm alone
A single pringle
Fries before guys
I know it's not all glamour
But the hard parts make it worth it
And I'm too lonely to care
This isn't a poem
This isn't a rant
This wasn't requested by a random fan.
I don't even care who reads this
You don't know me
I don't know you
For all I know
You're a 40 year old man in the basement with a lisp.
But apparently it makes me feel better
Declaring my solitude to the world.
It's like some messed up drug
Making you feel better
And then the world becomes even more cold.
I hate myself when I get like this
So whiny and sad and craving cake
But I hate him more
The guy in the corner of the viewing stand for the falls
With his arms around the girl he loves
He forgets himself and the worlds troubles
No matter how loud you yell at him to wake up
It's not hate
What am I doing wrong
Why can't I have that too?
And this really is a crappy poem
But honestly at this point
I'm too lonely to care
I just hate that I need somebody to make me happy
And whenever I call
He's never there.