Today, my boyfriend made me lunch and brought it to our high school. He handed me a blue cooler with a white lid and kissed me on my forehead and said, "I love you, eat up baby.
" Jerell lives down the street from the high school and as a senior he has "early release" from noon to 1:30pm. Lucky me because he loves to cook southern meals and I love to eat.
He made catfish with greens and cornbread, yum. I was grateful and excited for this delicious meal, I gave Jerell a kiss and said, "Thank you my love.
" With a smile he said, "My parents are making gumbo tonight. You should come over after track practice and join us.
" I have had several dinners at Jerell's house but for some reason I hesitated this time. But of course, my stomach and taste buds said hell yes gumbo.
After all, he's my Babycakes so I rationalized going to his house later. I responded with a half-smile, "Ok Jerell, I will let my mom know you will drop me off at my house after dinner.
" Suddenly, I got this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and I heard my great grandmother's voice... "follow your intuition.
" My intuition told me not to go but I didn't know why I had this off-putting gut feeling but I managed to shake it off.
Once I finished my lunch, I gave him a kiss goodbye and headed downstairs to the girl's locker room. I texted my mom and asked her if I could go to Jerell's for dinner that night.
Mom responded, "that's fine as long as you are home by 9."
I waited for my last jump at the sand pit on the field when my phone started ringing, it's Jerell. I let it go to voicemail, this was my last jump for the evening.
I hopped, skipped and jumped into the sand pit and beat the distance of my last jump. I felt accomplished. Afterwards, it's time for dinner with Jerell and his family.
I was feeling excited but I still had this gut feeling of hesitation that kept coming back, I couldn't seem to fully shake off. I didn't understand it but whatever, it's time for gumbo.
It's around 6 in the evening and I was waiting for Jerell or his sister to pick me up from the front of the school. Jerell pulled into the pickup loop and honked his horn.
I skipped over to his green jaguar in excitement to see him as if I didn't see him earlier for lunch. I walked up to the car and saw him grinning ear to ear.
With his pearly white teeth showing, Jerell said, "It's good to see you again baby, it's always good seeing you smile." I hopped into the car and he sped off, giving me an adrenaline rush.
I grabbed his hand and kissed him on the cheek while my hair was blowing in the wind.
He was going 80 in a 25 but I enjoyed every moment of it, it felt like we were Bonnie and Clyde speeding through the residential streets, running stop signs without a care in the world.
5 minutes later, we pulled into the garage. He hit the clicker on the visor to let the garage door down; he opened the back door and we walked inside the creme colored suburban house.
When we entered through the back hallway, I noticed it was dark and quiet inside.
My intuition got louder but I ignored it because I loved Jerell and he was an avid church goer, I believed he would protect me if anything went wrong.
After all, he protected me from David and ended the auction. I continued to try and rationalize being at his house and ignored this gut feeling that was turning into nausea.
Jerell said, "Let's go upstairs, I have something I want to show you." I hesitated. His parents told us that we were not allowed to be upstairs together, alone.
I reminded him of what his mother and father said but followed him up the tan carpeted stairs anyways.
I walked upstairs and saw their family photos and his football trophies lined along the walls.
I grabbed a hold of the white, wooden railing as I looked at his family photos neatly spread along the walls leading all the way to his bedroom.
Smiling, I commented, "Aww you were such a cute kid! It's beautiful to see how long your parents have been married, I hope for a forever marriage with a beautiful family one day.
" I paused at the top of the stairs. Speaking of parents, "Jerell, where is your family? No one is here.
" Jerell tried to comfort me, "Oh, they ran out to get some ingredients for the gumbo but they will be back soon." I started to feel uneasy and for some reason a part of me did not believe him.
Stupidly, I went ahead and followed him to the door of his room. He told me to sit down on his bed and close my eyes. I sat down and closed my eyes.
He started kissing me and tried to lay me down on his soft, navy blue bed. I opened my eyes, "Jerell.
What are you doing? Your family will be home any minute and we shouldn't be upstairs alone, remember." My heart started pounding, my flight response kicked in.
I tried to get up but he pushed me down. I tried to wiggle around his hold but his football player strength kicked into high gear. While he was holding my arms down, he kissed my neck and chest.
I belted out, "Jerell! Stop!" He pushed me down again and put his knees on my arms and sat on top of me. He responded, "I can tell you want me; I can see it in your eyes.
You are ready for this." I tried to squeeze my arms from beneath his knees but I didn't succeed. I was trapped; I felt like I was wearing a straight-jacket.
My intuition was screaming, something is wrong, get out! My mind started racing, why did I come upstairs when I know I shouldn't have? Why is he doing this? What is happening?
He quickly pulled off my black track shorts and ripped my lime green panties. I tried to squeeze my legs together while I pleaded with him, "Jerell.
What the hell are you doing? I am a virgin and I want to wait for marriage. Stop, please." He didn't listen.
He sat on top of me with his knees pressed down on my arms; he kept me stationary while he unzipped his black jeans and pulled out his dick out along with a square gold wrapper that was in
his jean pocket. He quickly put the condom on and pulled my legs apart with his knees while he held my wrists down on the bed.
I started crying profusely, "Please Jerell, not like this! I don't want to lose my virginity like this, I am not ready.
Please don't, please!" His mind was made up and he didn't hear a word coming out of my mouth, or he didn't care. Either way, I was fucked... literally.
The pain shot up from my vagina into my head as he forced himself inside me. The pain radiated throughout my body and I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.
He pulled in and out while I laid limp, staring at the clock while I prayed for it to end. At this point I was defeated, I was tired and I stopped fighting.
I looked down and saw blood and I checked out; I wanted to be anywhere other than this house right now.
My thoughts bombarded my mind, this couldn't be happening to me; I'm an honor roll student, an athlete, a God-fearing woman.
What would my parents think? What would my friends think? I was no longer a virgin; my innocence was stolen and I would never get it back.