"I hate you" is what I shouted to my friend at the end of our pick-nick. I didn't mean it, and she knew I didn't mean it.
But as more days pass by I'm feeling a little bit more hate, because I'm slowly going insane.
So here's what happened.
A friend of mine said she was spending some nights at a friends house, because she had to babysit their cat.
It was the perfect opportunity to do something together, since we're usually living far apart. We decided on a pick-nick.
She had to spill some tea about here current relationship and we shared some personal stuff. It wasn't the greatest day to have a pick-nick however.
It was raining later that afternoon, but we set under some treas and it was fine.
We shared, ate and laughed and decided to go to a mutual friend, so she could go on a date with him and I could go to the toilet quickly before I would make my way home.
Just before we would leave, she told me that he told her that someone just recently came out of the closet for him.
You can probably already guess where this is going.
She told a little bit about him and it sounded okay, and she showed a picture and shared some more things about him.
"I hate you" is what I shouted, because she knows that I know that I will be crushing over someone I haven't even met.
It's not problematic, but it becomes problematic when she and her not-yet-boyfriend are planning of coupling you two together.
To make it even worse, they will get us together during a double date so that we don't know that we will meet each other.
I'm getting anxious every time she might be wanting to something together. To top it, my brain is actually engaging with this stuff. I'm thinking about what could happen on that first date.
My brain sometimes even wonder off to meeting his parents and going abroad and do stuff. I'm going mental. I don't normally think about those things.
I didn't even think about that when I was actually dating people.
Does he actually sound like someone I could potentially really like, love and care about? Or am I just going insane? I don't know it anymore.
I know that I might be exaggerating a bit, but I'm actually overthinking it. I would really love to meet him and go on a date. Even if we wouldn't end up anywhere.
I've been at places and through a rough relationship and I feel it is time to get a new love story going. So what will happen? I don't known.
Will there be a date or will my agenda be filled with nothingness for another month, year? Only time will tell.
But this is the start of a gay love story, I can feel it.