i make my self so numb, feel like nothing is real, i make myself so numb, damn i don’t wanna feel, but i can feel my soul slip away and taste the appeal, when the pain outweighs pleasure, it gets hard to conceal.
every step i take forward, seems a step towards the end, every time my eyes open, it feels just like pretend, a mask i wear to play a part in order to blend. hiding a tragic truth that i just can not mend.
an internal conflict is taking place in my head, in the corners of my mind others dare not tread, debating wasted words that are better unsaid, with visions of a future where i’m better off dead.
i know i don’t talk about feelings i contain, but i drink so often to escape my brain, part of me is hoping i can beat the pain, and another part is waiting to inflict it again.
so i hide from the light and walk into the night, my veins swell and burst from darkness i invite, my blood pours onto pages into words that write, i keep trying to be better but i can’t win the fight.
i paint myself in a light, but i don’t like the picture, i write my pain into poems, a depressing dark scripture, no outlet gives closure for the feeling my mind fixtures, so on remains my mask, a melancholy mixture.
fed up of trying, fed up of lying , fed up of crying, tears they aren’t drying.
i can’t figure out the pain, i can’t figure out my life, i can’t figure out what’s wrong, so how can i make it right?
how can i make it better, if i don’t know where to start? how can i stitch myself together, when i’m so torn apart?
my mask, battered and rough, can they see through my bluff? claim they care, not enough, to reach out and show love.
i don’t wanna take pills, i don’t wanna fake smiles, i just want a pair of eyes to show life is worthwhile, let the mask crumble and my demons are exiled, my hands in your hands you’re my angel, my survival.
where are you? 😔 —