How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
It was so cold in D.C. today… …that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he’s a pain in the neck.
What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
. What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
. Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!” I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”
“That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me!
Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
Why don’t ants ever get sick? Because they have little anty bodies.
What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs? They say: Bologna? This isn’t bologna, but a serious question.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?The don’t meet the koalafications.