My screen glowed brightly in the dark.
My fingers firstly palpating the screen. I scanned through my pictures. The vibrant colours a blur to my weary eyes.
I had been looking through my photos for a while now.
Going through them all deleting the unimportant ones. I am really exhausted but can't go to sleep. My eyelids are drooping and my bodies asleep, numb and tingling.
I want to go to sleep so bad, but I can't.
I want to escape from reality to finally relax, but my brain won't let me. Depression keeps me up. My bottled up emotions keeping my mind racing.
Anxiety about life.
Anxiety about my future, anxiety about my past catching up to me. I lay awake fuzzled and fuming wanting my life to cease.
My mind is running wildly with stress.
Stress overtaking my sleep. Stress about school, about work, about friends. Stress about my problems and family.
I think to myself as I scroll through my pictures,
When will my day end? Suddenly my vision is cleared. My fingers abruptly stop. My heart hesitates beating. I hold my breath to keep the emotions from spilling. My eyes bore into the screen.
My best friend smiles at me through the screen.
I am slung by her side my face full of joy and pure love. My heart stings, breaking as if it were happening all over again.
Her brown hair is tied back in a ponytail,
Bringing out her beautiful face features. Her bags are prominent under her eyes just like mine are right now. And her eyes, they bring out the truth. I guess I should have noticed them before.
I should have seen beneath that fake smile that she wore.
I should have followed what the artists say, 'the eyes are the windows to the sole.' For her face was lovely but her sole was dark. Inside she barred so much pain that it destroyed her.
I should have noticed those scratches on her arms.
I should have realized that she slashed those wounds herself. I should have seen the signs but I was blind. I was blocked by my happiness and love for her.
She made me feel wanted.
She was the only person who ever listened to me the rest didn't care. She was the only one to acknowledge me, the rest didn't see me. She was the only one who made me feel happy.
We had movie marathons.
We gossiped for hours on time. We had pillow fights and told spooky stories. We shared laughter and played games. I would stay up until 6 am not wanting to waste a single moment with her.
All of my memories were with her.
I look at the now blurry screen. My eyes are wet with fresh tears. I blink them away trying to force my feelings down. But they push to hard, bubbling to the surface.
Emotions swirl inside me and in the picture.
"I'm sorry" I whisper my voice cracking. I speak as if she were there. "I'm sorry I didn't see. I'm sorry I didn't help. I could have saved-" I stop and the tears flow fully.
I am full out balling.
My cries strained and loud. My breaths short and laboured. My body shakes as I cry, my emotions finally set free.
When all of my emotions are out of my system,
I settle down. I take in deep breaths to prepare me for what's next. I stare at her in the photo. "I'm sorry" I mummer to her.
This is my goodbye, I think.
It's time to let go now. With a leap of confidence I tap the garbage button. The notification appears to press delete image or cancel. I take in one last deep breath "goodbye" I say to her.
I click delete photo.
I watch her disappear from my eyesight, disappear from my heart. With my heart numb, and all emotions gone, slowly my hand slides up to the top of my phone. Tardily I press the off button.
I watch the screen turn black with my heart,
Black with depression.