"This is SSSSSOOOO BORING!" My best friend whispered next to me. We were sitting in English listening to our teacher rant on about different poems.
"The Limerick is one of the most elegant ways of writing a poem." The teacher talked elaborately to the tuned out high schoolers.
"When will this day end" Shelly, my best friend, groaned.
The teacher glared in her direction "are you asking for detention, Sally?" My best friend gulped, "no mam!" While I quietly laughed the teacher stared daggers at the two of us.
I didn't mind English actually.
Although poems bothered me it was better than learning about some dead guy who "discovered" Canada. Out of no where my best friend lightly slapped my arm.
"Ow!" I exclaimed a little to loud.
Every eye in the class was on my beet red face. "Gwan, this is your last warning!" The teacher strictly scolded.
"What was that for!"I said through clenched teeth irritated.
"You laughed at me" she whimpered like a baby. I narrowed my eyes at her before focusing my gaze on the front. I was not going to let silly Sally waste my time and get me in trouble.
I was furious with her but she would suffer my wrath later.
This is how my best friend was, a child. She thought everything in life was a game and nothing bad could ever happen. Sally has not experienced what I have, she hasn't lived this grusome life.
I have forever longed for a life like Sally's.
For all my life I have obeyed everyone around me while keeping my mouth shut. I had no childhood. I never had fun. I was just another slave in my home beat if I didn't obey.
Every time someone bullied me I let them.
I was a helpless body in this sea of horror and nobody could save me. At night I cried wishing I had a normal life. But at least I could escape through school.
Everyone, including Sally, thought school was horrible.
Not for me. School was an escape from them. School was my haven, my shelter, my safe place. School was where I could be myself with no one to dictate what I did.
I loved school and I never wanted to get out.
School was the only place I was allowed to go and I took that opportunity.
The bell rang shaking me out of my head.
The bell, the sign of hope lost, was like demons taunting me. I hated the sound. It was a noise that everyone but me enjoyed. I reluctantly got out of my seat.
Sally squealed with excitement.
And I groaned and whined in resentment. Why did school have to end. I shuffled my way towards my locker, Sally jabbering behind me.
"GWAN! Hey Gwan I'm talking here!"
I stopped ignoring her as I put my things in my locker devastated that I didn't have homework. "What do you want?" I questioned.
She pointed to my outstretched arm.
The fabric of my sweater had shimmied it's way down my forearm, exposing my bruised, bloody and cut flesh. "Has that always been there? What happened?! I want details!"
She really didn't want details.
I was going to keep it to myself, nobody was supposed to know, or else I would die. "I'm fine. It's nothing" I stated. I truly wasn't fine. I wanted to pour my heart out, tell her all the pain.
I couldn't, but I wanted so badly to.
After hard iron grips and punches my arm bruised. The blood from my family and the cuts from myself. The internal pain was released through the external pain. My feeling faded with the blood.
If I wasn't able to release my feelings through talk...
what better way to do it than cut?
My best friend watched me intently.
I hurriedly drew back my arm and tugged on my fabric pulling it over my secrets. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed and was relieved when nobody looked my way.
Sally left it be, turning her frown upside down.
"Anyways there is this cute guy that asked me to go to prom..." she started gossiping again and I started ignoring her again. She always attracted the boys, while I just was there.
I didn't fit in anywhere, not even with my best friend.
"Goodbye!" I yelled to her and ran off getting away from her blabbering. When I got to the double doors I hesitantly pushed them open. The cold air hit me chilling and relaxing my body.
I took in multiple deep breaths before ambling off.
The fall air was chilling but my sweater kept out most of the cold air. My breaths created clouds, my hot breath mingling with the cool air.
It seemed like no time at all when I had reached hell.
My the old door had green paint peeling off of the corners. The windows had curtains drawn so nobody could see the repugnance within. The sight of the house had my pulse racing.
A loud sound came from inside. I gulped as a groan was heard. My breath hitched as my hand slowly reached for the doorknob. Grudgingly my fingers wrapped around the freezing knob and pushed.
I was on the edge as I set my bag down.
There on the floor was my stepfather. Glass of a bottle of rum smashed on the floor. His breathing was irregular and for once I thought that I could get out of getting beaten.
I lento over my dad's still body.
My heart raced, don't wake him up, I told myself. I tried my very hardest not to step on him or the glass as I tip toed around and above him. When I had successfully made it I relaxed.
Suddenly his hand had a hold of my leg.
His hands had scrunched up my pants causing his hand to burn my bare skin. I squealed out. No, no, no, this can't be happening. Now he's going to punish me even more.
"Did you really think you could escape me?" My dad slurred.
I let out a whimper as he dug his nails into my bruised flesh. Why had I been so stupid. I should have known that I could never be free of this hell.
My stomach did somersaults as my nerves boiled.
Please don't let it be bad, I prayed to the Lord. I didn't believe in Him because of all of the gruesome things that have happened to me but I was scared for my life everytime this happened.
Right now,all I could do was pray,that's how hopeless I was.
My dad clawed his way up my body, using me as support. My body toppled back and forth, his weight to much for me to handle. How I would have loved to move and watch him fall.
But instead unwillingly I stood my ground as he dug into my flesh. He climbed me like a rock climbing wall, and I obeyed. As soon as my dad was up right he let go of my body and stumbled.
Before he fell he caught the wall and hoisted himself up.
Standing on his own two feet again he glared at me with his green glossy eyes. I hunched my shoulders in shame and submission. My body was tingling with pain.
My body shook with fear at what my father would say.
"You are late getting home" OH NO! What time was it!? I knew I should've left early just in case! A slap knocked me out of my thoughts. My head whipped to the side as I tumbled backwards.
My hands touched my red, right cheek in pain.
Tears burned up and threatened to spill. My dad hovered over my small weak body. "I thought I taught you better! First your late and then you try to get out of your chores! Unbelievable!"
Scared for my life I curled up into a tighter ball.
Then he drew back his foot and nailed it into my left side. I let out a gasp as the pain consumed me. His foot had landed on my rib cage, hard. I wheezed, my hands reaching for my new injury.
Suddenly another kick crashed into my other side.
I could barely breath and recover before another kick announced its arrival by hitting me in the arm. Cradling my arm another kick slammed into my left side again.
Automatically my arms protected my face.
Each blow emitted a different pain causing me to forget about the previous one. I was tossed around like a ragdoll. Gasping for air, crying in pain.
Again, and again, excruciating kicks pounded into my body.
I was full out crying now, my body felt immune to the pain as it grew numb. I just sat there, helpless, waiting until it was over.
When I didn't feel another kick slam into my body I slowly lowered my arms. My whimpers subsided as I hesitantly let down my guard and opened my tear filled eyes.
I looked up to see my father catching his breath.
I decided that I was going to be brave and give him a piece of my mind. I don't know where the sudden rush of courage came from but I didn't like it. I glanced at the glass beside me.
Since my father was taking a brake I stupidly decided to take that opportunity to make my move while he was distracted. I lunged for the broken glass to my right.
The glass peirced my skin but I ignored the slight pinch.
Determined I lashed out as fast as I could before my dad had noticed I'd moved. The glass came in contact with his leg as I stabbed it down and sliced his skin fast. My dad yelled with pain.
He jumped and hollered clutching at his leg.
Stubbornly I sat back and watched, a grin making its way to my face. It felt good to finally stand up for myself and fight back. The warm feeling was soon replaced with fear as my dad stopped.
He glared daggers at me and that's when I knew I made a big mistake. I gulped down my fear but he saw it in my eyes, just as I saw his anger. He clumsily stomped over to were I was splayed out.
He snickered "you are going to pay for that."
He smacked me hard before grabbing my beautiful long black hair and pulled on it. I screamed out, it felt as if he was pulling off my skin on my head. Furious, he dragged my by the hair.
He yanked my hair continuously until we came to a stop.
My head hurt like hell as a headache formed. My heart pounded as I looked to see why we had stopped. I stared in horror at what lay before us.
Stairs. He was going to drag me to the basement.
I started to scream as loud as I could. No, no, no, not the basement. My heart sped up to an abnormal pace. I squirmed and thrashed trying to get out of his grip, but it only hurt me even more.
Suddenly my mom came racing down the stairs.
Everyone stopped what they were doing. A complete silence was in the air before my mother broke it. "What's going on here?"
Dad cleared his throat before answering, "we were just headed downstairs. Care to join?" Slowly my mother glided up to my body. My heart raced in anticipation.
"I would love to" she said with a psychotic grin before winding her fist and sucker punching me in the face. My face moulded around her tight fist as I let out an ear piercing screech.
My face burned as if on fire.
I felt a tug on my hair announcing that we were beginning the decent into a worse hell. The first step was brutal. My back bent awkwardly, scraping against the wood stairs.
My heels dragged behind me.
They striked the stairs repeatedly bruising them. Over and over, thud after thud, the pain increased with my unanswered cries.
When the bump of another stair didn't come my body relaxed. My heels were bloodied, my back stiff and my body black and blue. Abruptly my dad released my hair causing my head to fall.
My head smashed on the ground sending sparks of pain from my head and throughout my body. Exhausted I lay still letting the pain consume me. I just wanted to lay there forever.
"Get up" my dad's deep voice commanded, echoing.
My body virbrated with his words. I didn't want to get up the pain was too unbearable. I let my eyes gently close, trying to block out the world around me.
For once in my life I didn't care If I got beat up for not listening, I didn't want to stand up, I couldn't. My breathing was ragged and my body was numb with pain.
I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
"I SAID GET UP!" My dad boomed, his voice like thunder. My ears rung, his angry voice repeating in my brain. Viciously my dad gripped my hair with a tight fist and yanked me to my feet.
My head felt as though it was going to explode.
My head felt as if it was being ripped off, as he gave me whiplash, my neck growing stiff. My voice had disappeared with my determination. With a sore throat I couldn't scream.
I was just so tired.
Tired of my life. Tired of the beatings. Physically tired. And mentally tired. Nothing in my body wanted to move. Paralyzed from pain, as if my body had given up on life, on me.
I let my parents do as they please. My eyes were closed having no knowledge of the world around me. A rough and scratchy thing lightly tickled my neck. I was lifted into the air and released.
My parents wanted me to stand but my body did not.
My legs collapsed underneath me causing me to tumble downwards. The itchy thing around my neck forcefully pulled upwards. My eyes flew open in bewilderment.
My legs thrashed in all directions trying to regain footing.
The coarse thing blocked my airway, chocking me. It pushed deep in my throat. I gasped for air as my lungs burned in need of oxygen. Everything ebbed away in my vision as I grew light headed.
Finally, my feet desperately planted down on a wobbly area.
Fresh air seeped into my mouth as I gulped in large amounts. As I caught my breath I looked down to see my feet stationed on a black folding chair. Curious I looked up to see what had choked me.
A noose looped around my neck and attached to a pipe.
Dumbfounded I glanced over at my mother, panting with tears brimming the edge of my eyes. I wanted to scream how could you at them but in the end I knew it was not a surprise.
They probably had enough of my disobedience. They probably thought that I wasn't worth to keep alive. I did help them a lot but they probably looked at me like a piece of dirt.
"If you move, you kill yourself" she stated.
Like I hadn't already figured that out by just about DYING! She was a psycho who wanted to kill her daughter. And my father was just a drunk man without a purpose. Me, I was just a punching bag.
They began punching their anger out on me once again.
My body immune to the agony as it cracked and bled under such force. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to live a normal life. A life where I could speak my opinion, where I could live.
Slowly tears rolled out of my eyes.
As they trickled down my heated face I wondered why I still lived. Why hadn't I given up already? Why was I still fighting for my life? I had nothing to live for. So why was I alive?
I took in multiple shaky breaths.
My lungs crushed and tired of pumping air, making it hard to breath. My body ached with sores and bruises all over. My legs felt week. And I couldn't lift my arms. My body seemed to give up.
I came to a decision.
There was no point in carrying on this gruesome life, not when nobody cared, not even the vacant neighbours. Gradually I gave in. My legs gave underneath me as I started to sink down.
Again the rope choked me, and I let it.
This time my body didn't fight, it was happy with my decision. I didn't need to live I just needed to be free of this pain that my body couldn't handle any longer.
My parents had finally given me the escape I wanted.
The air around me thinned as my vision blurred. I felt as if nothing could stop me, invincible and invisible. The weight of my chains lifted off of me, freeing me.
I was free.
Free of pain. Free of the beatings. Free of my parents. Free of my life.
The world washed away as nothing but freedom mattered.
My mind was at peace as I soared. Soon my vision went black and it was finally over as I flew off, up into the world.
*3 days later*
"Three days ago a teenage girl, age 15, hung herself in the basement. Her body was found by her parents, bloody and bruised. It is believed that these wounds were self inflicted.
The day of her death her parents had gotten from work late.
Being exhausted they went to bed assuming their daughter was asleep. 'In the morning Gwan usually does her own thing and walks to school herself, so we thought that it was like always.'
Gwan's parents state this in disbelief.
Later that night after her parents had got home from work they went to tell her the good news of their trip to Hawaii, only to find her in the basement dead. Immediately they contacted 911.
'She was the best friend that would keep everything to herself and only worry about me.' Her best friend Sally states during an interview.
After a day of investigation it was confirmed that on March 30, 2017, Gwan, age 15, committed suicide."