Things I'd Like To Achieve
Things I'd Like To Achieve books stories
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tbanarchy
tbanarchy Sometimes serious, mostly snarky author.
Autoplay OFF   •   5 months ago
Achieve THIS!

Things I'd Like To Achieve

by tbanarchy

When you ask some people what they wish to achieve in their lives, they'll usually say they want to achieve true love or inner peace or something like that.

If someone were to ask me what I'd like to achieve, here are some things I would tell them:

One of the main things I'd like to achieve is to write a dirty book that sells a gagillion copies like that 50 Shades Of Grey.

Kind of like the protagonist in the classic song "Paperback Writer" by the Beatles. ("It's a dirty story of a dirty man!")

I'd also like to record an album or two since I can play the gee-tar a little and have written a few tunes that sound like something Marilyn Manson might record.

Hey, if William effing Shatner can record an album!

I also wouldn't mind hosting my own TV show that would be a cross between Mad TV and Saturday Night Live back when SNL was still-oh, what WAS that word?-FUNNY.

For instance, I would have skits on the show like me dressed up as George Takei "grabbing" a guy's crotch and going, "Oh my!"

I would also do the obligatory Trump skit where he would run his own cat store where people could grab all the "pussies" they want (including his daughter's, uh-hum, "pussy").

You know, Emmy-winning shit like that!

And, for anyone who'd get "offended" by that, this is the SAME type of shit Jimmy Kimmel used to do on The Man Show back BEFORE he became "woke".

I even have the theme song picked out for my show, which is "Neighbor" by Ugly Kid Joe. (Google it.)

And, oh yeah, I'd also like to have sex with someone OTHER than myself again!

TMI?

As for the whole inner peace and/or true love thing, I say sure, why NOT?

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