The plot to Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back explained VERY badly!
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tbanarchyI am a snarky freelance writer.
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

The plot to Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back explained VERY badly!

by tbanarchy

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .

There was a lot of freaky stuff going on!

There was a brother kissing his very own sister . . .

Who are being hunted by a cyborg with a breathing problem.

Who also chokes people while talking like James Earl Jones!

And Cyborg Dude's "boss" is a creepy old dude with bad skin.

Eventually Cyborg Dude finds them freezing their asses off.

But they manage to escape . . . barely.

The dude who kisses his very own sister meets THIS guy . . .

A short green dude with pointy ears who talks backwards!

Short Green Dude teaches Sister Kisser some, uh, things?

While the others meet a guy with a man cave up in the sky.

It's a trap . . . of course!

This guy gets his ass frozen so he can be taken to . . .

This, uh, guy who looks like a big piece of . . . YOU know!

Sister Kisser & Cyborg Dude fight with shiny swords.

Sister Kisser gets his hand cut off by Cyborg Dude.

And then Cyborg Dude tells Sister Kisser he's his Daddy.

They again manage to escape . . . barely.

Sister Kisser gets a cool new robot hand like Cyborg Daddy.

Man Cave Guy goes after Frozen Guy wearing FG's clothes.

They all look out a window. The End.

Oh wait, before I forget, there was also . . .

A tall hairy guy who looks like Bigfoot's cousin.

A robot who speaks with a British accent for some reason.

Another robot that looks like a trash can.

There's also THIS guy who's . . . wait, who is he again?

Seriously, just who in the hell IS this guy anyway?

Is he a robot or a man or another cyborg dude? Seriously!

FOR THE LOVE OF PETE JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHO HE IS DAMMIT!

Sorry. Didn't mean to lose my head there! Anyway . . .

Frozen Guy & Brother Kisser kiss. (Wookiees NOT included!)

And there are some things that smell bad inside AND out!

And there was also . . . dancing?

And big-ass space worms!

At least there were NO damn Ewoks this time . . .

Or Jar-Jar Binks!

OK. Now THAT'S The End. Well, until Return Of The Damn Jedi!

May The Nanu Nanu Be With You!

Or is it Live Long & Shoot First?

In any case, now THIS is The End. Promise!

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tbanarchyGifted WriterI am a snarky freelance writer.
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil Thanks! I'm also thinking about doing this with some of the other Star Wars films (if, of course, I find the time!).

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
This was clever. It was absolutely ingenious. I loved the way it was written. The subterfuge beneath the sentences was sublime. Great work. Keep it coming.