Since I already did this for the, uh-hum, much-beloved The Last Jedi, I figured I'd go ahead and do the same for the, uh-hum, equally-beloved The Rise Of Skywalker.
And, judging from the reviews & reactions I've seen thus far, the ROS will make the "controversy" over the finale to Game Of Thrones look like a walk in the park!
"What do you mean Rise Of Skywalker? You assholes killed me off in the MOST asinine way possible in The Last effing Jedi, remember?"
Sith Army Knife!
"Wait, isn't this the SAME hugging scene from The Farce, uh, I mean Force Awakens?"
"I'M BACK, BITCHES!!!! And I must say I look pretty damn good for a guy who got has ass blown up over 30 years ago!"
Star Wars: Attack Of The Space Horsies!
"You brought a space horse to a Star Destroyer fight!"
Uh, didn't Rian Johnson already do the whole "space horses" thing in The Last Jedi and it DIDN'T work out so well?
"I didn't like that statute there anyway!"
So, let's see, Rey will defeat Kylo Ren (again!) AND the Emperor when even Yoda-A JEDI MASTER!-couldn't even do so. And let's NOT forget her kicking Luke's ass! But, no, she's NOT a Mary Sue!
50 Shades Of Reylo!
"I don't fuck ANY robots in this film, trust me!"
"Yeah, those prequels are looking pretty damn good right about now, huh?"
"Say, does anyone remember back when I told George Lucas how I wouldn't bastardize his franchise?"
"You know, when I said to 'kill the past. Let it die if you have to!' in The Last Jedi I was speaking metaphorically, right?"
"Hey, J.J., you want some of this?"
"So who wants to see ME in a gold metal bikini?"
"So who's excited to see The Rise Of Skywalker?"
"Looks like I'm about the only character Disney HASN'T completely fucked with yet!"
"Say, remember how cute I was in The Farce, uh, I mean The Force Awakens and how everyone LOVED me?"
"In case you're wondering, I'm looking for a BETTER movie franchise to star in!"
"Say, does anyone remember when they made a big deal about ME being in these films? Me neither!"
"Yeah, Disney, thanks for making ME look like a total schmuck in these movies!"
"Hey, where's MY return?"
"So, Finn, do you think your character has been treated well in this trilogy?"
"So, let me get this straight, you replaced ME with some guy who got his wrinkly ass blown away over 30 years ago? WTF!"
"Fucked up this trilogy Disney has!"
"Hey, Darth, what do YOU think about them shitting on your legacy in this new Star Wars film?"
"Hey, George, sorry about fucking up your franchise. No hard feelings?"
Yep, this pretty much says it ALL about the current state of Star Wars!
Help us, Baby Yoda! You're our only hope!
My sentiments EXACTLY!
Personally, I think a group of brain-dead monkey could have done a BETTER job handling this franchise!
But, the question on everyone's mind is, with Luke Skywalker gone, who WILL milk those giant space titties?
R.I.P., Carrie Fisher! (I think!)
May the Force be with . . . oh, let's just put this whole damn franchise out of its misery already!
At least there won't be any fucking Porgs in this movie! (There WON'T be any, right?)
And, when deciding whether or not to spend money on seeing this movie, just remember what the late Admiral Ackbar says: