Some of these I heard or read somewhere while others I came up with all by my "bad" self! Enjoy!
And please feel free to use ANY of these insults for yourself if and when you feel the, uh-hum, need arise! Oh yeah, please DON'T read if you are easily "insulted" yourself. Thanks!
"You have the whitest teeth I ever came across!"
"You're about as useful as a rectum with taste buds!"
"I'm not an asshole. I'm a WHOLE ass. I don't believe in doing ANYTHING halfway!"
"I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I know you'd enjoy it too much and I don't wish to give you ANY pleasure."
"Suck it. Suck it dry!"
"I would tell you to suck my dick but I don't want my pecker going anywhere near ANY of your orifices. No offense!"
"Talk to the fist 'cause the face is pissed!"
"Don't just stand there with your dick in your pants!"
"Your momma. Your daddy. AND your hot slutty sister I boned up her b-hole. Twice!"
And if someone tells you to kiss their ass, say, "No thanks. That would taste too much like your butt!"
BTW, if anyone has their own insults they'd like to share or if they feel they have BETTER insults than the ones I've, uh-hum, shared (and good luck with THAT!), please feel free to share them in the "comments" section. Again, thanks!
And up your ass with a blade of grass!