There was once a young woman who was nicknamed Red.
She got the nickname because of the red hoodie she always liked to wear. One day she went traipsing through the woods going to her Grandma's house who lived way out in the boonies.
On her way there she met one of her Grandma's neighbors.
He was a hairy smelly pervert who called himself Wolf. Red hated him since he was always trying to get into her pants. This time he said to her, "Hey, Red, what's up? You lookin' fine today!"
To which Red shook her head in disgust and said to him:
"Up yours, Wolf!" Undeterred, Wolf continued, "What'cha got in your bag? Is that stuff for your Grandma?" "What part of up yours don't you get?" "Come on, Red," Wolf snarled. "Don't be that way!"
Red shook her head in disgust again & began to walk away.
"Move out of my way, you perv," she told him. Wolf was clearly angered by Red's rejection of him. "You're gonna regret treating me the way you do, Red!" he shouted. "Whatever!" she shouted back.
Red continued to make the long trek to her Grandma's house.
Red didn't like to walk to her Grandma's house. That was why she hardly ever went to see her. Plus she couldn't stand her but her mother made her go. Little did she know that Wolf had a shortcut.
A while later Red finally reached her Grandma's house.
She knocked on her door & said, "Grandma, it's me, Red. I came just like you wanted." "Come in, dear!" her Grandma called back. Red thought her voice sounded a bit strange but then she was old.
After she stepped in the house, Red looked around for her.
"Grandma," Red called out, "where you at?" "I'm in the bedroom, sweetie!" Red went & stepped into her Grandma's bedroom. There she saw her on the bed with the covers pulled up over her head.
"Grandma," Red asked, "why are you in bed? You feelin' OK?"
"Come closer to the bed, dear," she said to her granddaughter. Red did as she asked & stepped up to the bed. "What's wrong with your voice, Grandma?" she asked. "You sound funny."
Suddenly the covers moved down & out popped Wolf.
"That's 'cause I ain't your Grandma!" he said to her, a sick grin on his face. "Wolf," she said, "what are you doin' here? Where's Grandma?" "She's in the closet." He chuckled. "Go on, look!"
Red went to the closet & opened it.
Laying inside the closet was the dead body of her Grandma. Her throat had been slashed. "You killed my Grandma?" Red asked Wolf while still staring at her Grandma. "You bet your ass I did, Red!"
"And now," he continued, "I'm goin' to kill you!"
Wolf laughed as he took out his switchblade. Red shut the closet door & turned to face him. "Well, I got some good news & I got some bad news, Wolf." He gave her a look. "What's the good news?"
She smiled wickedly at him as she reached into her bag.
"The good news is," she began to say, "is that I was comin' here to kill my nasty old Grandma anyway. So I'm really not upset at you for doin' that for me." "Is that so? And what's the bad news?"
She pulled a gun out of her bag & pointed it right at him.
"The bad news is I'm gonna shoot your ass." Suddenly the smile went away from Wolf's face as he leapt out of bed & charged at Red. She aimed the gun at him & didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.
She pumped round after round into him.
He fell back on the bed, his body riddled with bulletholes. He gazed up at her, the life draining out of him. She pointed the gun at him one final time & shot him right between his eyes.
After she shot him, she went up to where his body was lying.
Suddenly the front door flew open & this towering lumberjack Red had never seen before came in. "I thought I heard gunshots," he said to her. "Are you oka-" He stopped talking when he saw Wolf.
His jaw dropped when he saw Wolf's bullet-riddled corpse.
"What the hell?" he muttered. Red put her gun back in her bag. "He killed my Grandma," she told him. "And he was about to kill me too." He said nothing else as she walked towards him.
Red stepped out of her Grandma's house for the last time.
A feeling of relief swept over her knowing she would never have to deal with that nasty old woman ever again. She just wished she was the one who killed her instead of big bad Wolf. Oh well!