Here are just a few of the experiences I've had I thought were "life-changing".
When I first fapped.
I thought, "Boy, what did I just do to myself!"
When I first saw a naked chick.
I thought, "So THAT'S what those bumpy things inside a woman's shirt is!"
When I first had sex.
I thought, "Man, I'd really like to do that AGAIN!"
When I first listened to Jimi Hendrix's album "Smash Hits".
I thought, "Man, I'd sure like to play guitar as good as THIS dead blac-uh, I mean-African-American guy!"
When I saw my very first movie "Hot Lead & Cold Feet".
I thought, "So I can sit in a room full of people and, unlike school, I don't have to talk to ANY of them!"
When I saw the very first Star Wars movie.
I thought, "Boy, I'd sure love to choke the fuck out of people who piss me off with my mind like Darth Vader!"
When I wrote my very first porno book (and DON'T ask me how old I was!).
I thought, "Boy, I thought I'd really love to do THAT for a living!"
When I had the very first rumor spread about me.
I thought, "Boy, people really ARE a bunch of SHITBAGS, aren't they?"
Now some people, of course, might say a "life-changing" event would be their first kiss or something "sweet" like that.
But, come on, it's ME!
And, oh yeah, a "life-changing" event of mine was when I first saw Elvira's bodacious ta-tas!
You knew THAT one was coming, DIDN'T you?