A Couple Of Childhood Memories Involving "Religion"
A Couple Of Childhood Memories Involving "Religion" religion stories
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tbanarchy
tbanarchy https://www.amazon.com/Angel-Ray/e/B00S.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago

A Couple Of Childhood Memories Involving "Religion"

by tbanarchy

Once when I was in fifth grade, a couple of men from one of the local churches came into our class carrying a box of little Bibles. Needless to say, they COULDN'T get away with doing that today.

Anyway, one of the men said anyone who wanted a Bible could come up and get one, adding that no one had to get a Bible if they didn't want one.

Everyone in the class got up and got a Bible . . . except for ONE person. And I'll give you three guesses as to who that ONE person was!

I didn't get a Bible because I would have just been doing it because everyone else in class was doing it. And I didn't want to be a hypocrite about it even back then.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a verse or two in the Bible about NOT being a hypocrite?

Anyway, everyone in class glared at me like I was Satan Incarnate or something. One kid asked me, "You don't want a Bible?"

Before I had a chance to defend myself, another kid blurted out, "He doesn't go to church!" And that, as they say, was the end of that. Or so I thought!

The following year in sixth grade this one kid in my class-who I'll call James-came up to be one day during recess and informed me how another kid-who I'll call Rob-told him how I had told him I was a devil worshipper.

For the record, Rob NEVER came up to me and asked me if I was indeed a devil worshipper. And, if he had, I likely would have told him to go to hell. (Get it?)

Again, isn't there a verse or two in the Bible against LYING? In fact, isn't THAT one of the Ten Commandments? But I digress!

Anyway, after recess was over, I was so pissed off that I told mine and James's teacher-who I'll call Miss Glove-what Rob had said about me.

Miss Glove also looked like she had gotten pissed off at what I had told her and she asked no one in particular, "Which class is Rob in?" Someone told her and she told me and James to follow her out of class, which, of course, we did.

Miss Glove got Rob out of his class and, as we all stood in the hall, she asked him point-blank why DID he say what he did about me to James.

Rob self-righteously told Miss Glove how he accused me of being a devil worshipper because, and I quote, "Tony likes AC/DC and AC/DC worships the devil!"

Yeah, this was the redneck mentality I was dealing with during grade school AND high school, folks!

Anyway, Miss Glove then told Rob one of the BEST things I have ever heard anyone say to anyone else, which was:

"It's nobody's business if somebody worships God, the Devil, a toothbrush or a hound dog!"

AMEN!!!!

Anyway, Miss Glove told Rob to "apologize" to me, which he did, and that-again, as they say!-was the end of that. Or, again, so I thought!

Throughout my following high school years, there was a rumor going around accusing me of being-you guessed it!-a devil worshipper, prmarily because I wore black clothes and listened to guys like Ozzy Osbourne.

This was, of course, the druggie, bat's-head-bitin' pissin'-on-the-Alamo Ozzy but I digress!

Perhaps the MOST ironic thing about this is that Rob's favorite band during high school was Iron Maiden who came out with an album AND song called "The Number Of The Beast".

Of course, Rob-unlike yours truly!-was NEVER denounced as a devil worshipper-like he accused ME of being-by our fellow classmates because he was a "popular" jock.

It's kind of like how celebrities tend to get away with shit a "normal" person generally WOULDN'T get away with. (And, yeah, I'm looking at YOU, Jussie Smollett!)

Besides Miss Glove, the late Frank Zappa also had one of the greatest quotes about "religion", which was:

"There's a BIG difference between kneeling down and bending over!"

Again, AMEN!!!!

R.I.P, Frank!

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