Two words that are wreaking havoc, digging up old monsters and letting them see the light.
Two words that are simultaneously empowering and debilitating.
How can something that’s supposed to make you strong actually make you feel weak?
And yet as I scroll through the seas of me’s and too’s I am overwhelmed and shocked…
that there isn’t more.
I am devoured by the past.
It feels like a weight sits on my chest.
Feels like hands are roaming my body.
Feels like stale breath is warming my neck…
I can’t go back.
And I see that you have posted the same damn thing.
That you too have monsters.
That you too have a hungry past.
I see this and it doesn’t feel right.
There’s a bitter irony that’s causing my insides turn to outsides.
Because how are you the same as me?
When it was with you that I became a me too?
How is that true?
That you and I are a we too?
I’m so angry and bitter I can feel the past bubbling up.
I want to scream. I want to cry.
You’re the why!
You’re part of the reason at least.
Not staying by my side that night, not seeing the fear in my eyes, instead of choosing me…
you chose you.
And I became a Me Too.
So here I am almost 10 years later.
I’m older and wiser. I'm jaded and frustrated.
I’ve become a me too a few more times now.
But you will always be my beginning.
That summer night by the lake.
Today I realized that it’s still there. That black hole you created.
That lack of trust in others
and in myself.
And I can’t help but wonder how you became a me too.
I can’t help but think about how that happened to you.
I wonder if I told you how I felt would you say…