This shouldn’t be so hard
Feeling something anything
Serotonin Dopamine Chemicals Biology
Serotonin Dopamine Chemicals Biology my body
My body isn’t a question mark It isn’t an ellipses It shouldn’t have to ask It shouldn’t have to wait
. . .
I hate (this)
Not to feel the Blush the Butterflies
that undeniable spark that moment Of oh...this is it.
All I feel is the empty the nothing
And the funny thing it’s not you it’s me it’s my own empty
You Are kind Thoughtful Fun funny You are trying.
I well I am not.
I’m detached unmoored In my head in my head in my head
I’m detached unmoored In my head in my head in my head I’m not there
It’s a fabrication of affection Digging for attraction Underneath the facade Without direction
and fuck am I lost
miles and miles away from this table this conversation your hand on my knee
There is no fairness Nothing about this is right I should have left when you said hello. I should never have gotten ready this evening. Never wore this dress. Never wore these shoes . Why did I come?
. Why did I come?
Why did I come?
Why did I come? Downtown