Now that the subject of boys and creepy men have been introduced to me, it was now time to experience their awfulness. This would last from about the age of eight to the present day.
I was a very quiet, awkward kid. I looked like the before image of a Disney makeover.
Y’know when the girl with curly hair and glasses is given a blowout, contacts, and some natural looking makeup. If it weren’t for those movies I may have thought I was pretty.
As much as I would like to discuss all of the times boys picked on me or the boys who never liked me back, this isn’t entirely about that. We will skip forward to the year 2008.
I was thirteen and sitting in art class. I was wearing a v-neck shirt and was working on whatever stupid project my teacher assigned us.
Occasionally I would feel crayons hit me, but I suffered through a lot of people throwing things at me during middle school, I thought it was a typical day.
However, it wasn’t until I heard one of the boys say, “Dammit I almost got it in between her boobs!” These two assholes were trying to throw crayons down my cleavage.
At thirteen, I was blessed with large C-cups boobies. I hated them. They gave me a lot of negative attention from boys and men.
I was made to feel uncomfortable about my body and oh, boy did I.
I called over my art teacher and began to ask her a bunch of questions, so they would at least stop throwing crayons at my chest.
Like many young girls and women, this isn’t the end of my story with asshole boys. On the first day of high school, I walked into my health class and picked a seat.
As soon as I sat down, the boy sitting behind me whispered into my ear, “I just came.” I didn’t even know what that meant at the time.
I quickly googled the meaning as soon as I got home from school and yeah, not cool. That same year an eighteen year old junior in my freshmen math class began to harass me.
I don’t say bully because he would say very inappropriate things to me. He would often mention how he wanted to take my virginity. How he wanted to have sex with me.
How he would fuck me senseless. How he wanted to see my legs spread. I would come home crying almost everyday. He had this smug smile, I really wanted to punch.
I don’t know where he is in life, but once in a while I’ll day dream about punching his smug face.
Although my fears about men, were unfortunately proven to be true I realized the awfulness in their character didn’t necessarily involved me as a person, just my body.
My struggles and harassment from men never became physical or violent, I realize that many people cannot say the same.
Shortly after this asshole I learned that no one should have that power over my mind and emotional state. This is probably around the same time I started listening to death metal.
I can only share my own experience. Since I’m being honest I don’t think my fear of boys or men will ever go away, but we can’t let these assholes ruin our lives.