A Day In My Shoes
A Day In My Shoes feelings stories
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taiga
taiga17. London. Just trying to get by.
Autoplay OFF  •  7 months ago

A Day In My Shoes

by taiga

6AM

I lay in bed, eyes fixated on my white ceiling. The longer I stare, the more blurred my perception becomes. I lay still. Body awake, but mind asleep. No thoughts cross my mind. I just lay.

9AM

Get ready for school. Slow movements. No thought has registered yet. Fingers blindly buttoning my shirt. Each button takes just that much more energy out of me,energy that I cannot afford to lose

10AM

I leave the house. Legs automatically moving in a repetitive motion. The first thought of the day: ‘I need to go back home’. I am aware of my surroundings, but I do not register them.

11:15am- My body is in class, but my mind is somewhere else.

I sit, my thoughts blank but still they manage to pull me out of my surroundings. And like clockwork, fifteen minutes into the lesson I run through my daily mind pages: ‘Why am I here’

11:35AM

Remember my classmates exist. I’m pulled into the obligation to fulfil social duties. They talk, I nod- Feigning interest. They make a joke, I laugh. Feigning amusement. All like clockwork to me

2PM

On my way home. For 1.5hrs, I do not move. My body sits, whilst my mind goes back to square one. I see,hear,and smell the daily rhythm of life-but for almost 4 years now, I haven’t registered it.

1AM

I lay in bed, eyes fixated on my white ceiling. The longer I stare, the more my eyes drift. Just before they close, I flick through the last mind page of the day: ‘I need to go back home’.

But tell me this. What is there to do when home doesn’t feel like home anymore. But you still can’t seem to register that.

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